26th Feb 2016

“All of my kindness is taken for weakness…” (Rihana)

So I love these lyrics and they got me thinking, that yes my kindness does often get mistaken for weakness by myself and others.

If there is one thing in this world that I find hard to live with it’s being taken for granted. I don’t mind doing everything, as long as it’s appreciated and not just expected – that’s the difference!

Why do we become mums and put what we want to one side. It’s never a priority. WE are never the priority. Then if we dare to step out of our comfort zone and book out a little ‘me time’ we then have to prepare everything in advance to ease the guilt.

What is this guilt about?  Are we scared of judgement from others? And where does our ‘got to do everything for everyone’ gene come from? Maybe our own mothers.  So if I don’t break the cycle then will my own daughter’s future be the same?

This links so closely to being able to say what I really want.

Outsiders see me as a confident and assertive woman, and at work, and in some circumstances, I am truly that – but in others, being mum, wife, daughter, sister and friend, I have struggled for years and worried too much about upsetting others that I never really ask for ‘what I want’.

I often beat myself up.

You know that little voice that gives yourself an arse kicking “why the hell am I doing all the washing again?”

“Why am I the only one that cleans the bathroom?”

“and why oh why am I the only one that has to stand on tiny bits of lego before I tidy it all up!’,

or that other voice, “If I’m a feminist and strong women then I’m sure the hell not acting like one – you big failure!”

What would my independent, feminist, 18-year old self say….

I did choose wife and mother and with that there is a responsibility. My little ones can’t wash their clothes or clean the bathroom – they can help (sort of) and they do and so does the other half, sometimes.  But I’m choosing to do these things.

Someone close to me once said “you are only treated as you allow yourself to be”.

I often come back to this line. And it can actually make you feel a hell of a lot worse or quite empowered depending on the way you look at it and what day it is.

So for me it’s…

New year new rules.

Yeah I’ll still do the washing, cleaning, tidying bloody toys and clothes away and make beds and clean the shower naked (weird but easier).

But I’m damn sure there is some time in that week for me.

Just me.

To stop the chores and to focus on me.  Space for exercise, reading, developing myself, finding clarity and meditating…basically whatever takes my fancy and I am saying NO to the guilt!

Are you saying NO to that guilty feeling and spending some important time on self care?

If we don’t take some time out for ourselves then others wont get the best of us!

She refilled her pitcher and in doing so was able to refresh everyone around her

(Anon)

You know you should.

Do it.  Do it now.

FM x

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