How do you stop putting everyone else before yourself and your career?

Putting everyone else before yourself is an act of kindness isn’t it? Because if you don’t, then you tell yourself you are being selfish - and no one likes a selfish person.

This is one of the top reasons that women we have worked with have missed out on progressing in their career.

Stepping aside to make way for others

​​Maybe you have not gone for that opportunity or raised it in a meeting with a manager as you didn't want them to think you were after their job.

Or maybe your manager keeps blocking your ideas from ever reaching the senior leaders but you don't want them to feel pushed aside if you were to bypass them and go higher?

Or maybe your colleagues have confided in you and want the next role in your department and you secretly want it too but don't have the heart to tell them, so instead you step to one side and let them go for it.

Maybe you can relate or have your own story of putting others first.

This happens a lot and not just when it comes to your colleagues but also with managers and senior staff.  We tell ourselves that we can't speak up or go for certain opportunities because we may upset others and worry about the consequences or what they will think about us and our ambitions.  The thing is, if you have experienced this type of sabotage you are not alone, but there are ways to move past it. 

Here are 5 ways you can start to think differently about your own career progression and stop putting everyone else before yourself.

It’s Not Selfish

Firstly let us clear this up - it’s not selfish. 

Although you may have this constant little voice nagging you and telling you that you are being selfish, you are not. We have been conditioned to think that considering ourselves before others is a bad way to be.  Not true. 

This doesn’t mean that there aren’t some behaviours that are selfish. However to constantly hold yourself back because you aren’t going after what you really want is not on the list of being selfish.  Think about it - on your death bed would you be happy that you put your manager first and did not go above him because he kept ignoring your request to attend that important monthly meeting that would mean you get to be more visible in front of the board of directors at work? Or would you have no regrets in missing out on the next promotion or new position because you decided to step aside and let other colleagues go for it only to find out that they appointed someone externally and you missed your shot.  Now this may sound harsh, especially if you are a team player but you don’t have to be sneaky about these things because that’s where the uncomfortable feelings come from.

Crystal Clear

Transparency is key.  When you can start talking openly about what you want and your career goals or plans that’s when opportunities come up and others will expect you to be going for them. 

In fact the ideal scenario is that managers and colleagues will be telling you about things that are available or on the horizon and you are therefore kept in the loop.  There's nothing worse that you secretly want a role and have to stand by and watch as someone less experienced gets told about it and then goes for it and others around you say they didn't even think you were interested. 

Be open and talk about your career plans.

Priorities Matter

What are your priorities in terms of career and family and basically how you want to spend your precious time.  If one of those priorities is securing that role or job or opportunity you have always wanted then this must get some of your attention and you must not let others get in the way of that.  Just like you wouldn't let others get in the way of you spending time with your family.  Same thing.  

Asking for help is a strength not a weakness

Ask for help.  This is underestimated so much.  We convince ourselves that asking for help or support means we are failing in some way - that we aren't capable in the first place and this couldn't be further from the truth. 

Honestly if you are a person that still looks at someone else when they ask for help and sees weakness then you need to do some self awareness work.  Otherwise, this will be massively holding you back from getting what you want especially when it comes to your work goals and personal development.  To grow we need to get uncomfortable. And this includes asking for help and leveraging the relationships that you have worked hard to build.  People love to help people. 

Balancing Act

And lastly but definitely not least, is balance.  That balance between putting yourself first and also thinking about those that matter to you.  This is the hardest part and is probably the main thing that is getting in your way.  You care.  And that’s a GOOD thing.  But you can’t let caring for others be the thing that stops you in your tracks.  Be a positive role model.  Show those you care about how they too can do things they really want to do and how it’s ok to lead from within and go for those dreams and most of all not to settle.

When we shine we can help others feel like they can shine too and we all can play bigger.

So if you are in that place where you keep telling yourself that you can’t speak up or can’t go for that opportunity because you are likely to be stepping on other’s toes or feel like those around you at work are not listening or supporting you, don't be afraid to go find someone who will. 

I see so much how hierarchies in the workplace can keep people small.  That you don't have the right credentials, or qualifications, or skills or experience to go for things that you want to go for and maybe there are things that will help you on that journey. However, one thing guaranteed is that you won't have that journey if you don't move towards it and find out.  Be curious,  Ask for help.  Tell others what you want and make it happen. 

Feeling inspired? Going to take some action? Come tell me about it.

   **Gemma is the founder of No More Hiding Co. and a self-promotion expert and specialises in working with organisations to identify, develop and retain their female talent and encourage senior level progression to close the gender gap. This is through coaching, consultation, training sessions and workshops. She understands the importance of visibility when it comes to women’s career progression and helps ambitious women find their confidence to own and showcase their expertise and develops male allies to support their female colleagues.** 

Message her directly to find out more or book a call here. Download your copy of her white paper ‘Visibility At Work: The Importance of Self Promotion for Women's Career Progression here’. Host of the ‘No More Hiding: Self Promotion at Work’ podcast - click here to listen.

NB - When we refer to the terms men/women we are including all non-binary, trans and any marginalised genders

Celebrating 100 episodes of No More Hiding!

There was a time when I would never have believed that I would launch a podcast never mind show up week in and week out for as long as I have. Now, 100 episodes in to No More Hiding and I couldn’t’ imagine not! Don’t get me wrong, it can be hard work, but I love being able to share this journey with you and discuss such important topics.

This podcast is one of my biggest achievements in terms of my own ‘no more hiding’ because unless you have heard my story then you won’t know that I spent a long time hiding and not telling the world about my ideas or owning my expertise – and this is the reason I now support women to do this for themselves!

The importance of a good support network

I have to thank my expert editor and producer, Edgar Millan for helping me to get the show out every week. As well as the amazing Liz Wilkins who was the driving force behind my podcast. It all started as an interview series, and without Liz’ suggestion of turning it into a podcast it’s likely that’s where it would have ended.

Those that have been fans from the beginning will know that No More Hiding originally started out as ‘introverts inspire’ and was an interview series of incredible guests about their own introversion and how it didn't stop them from achieving all they wanted. So if you are more of the introverted personality type then definitely go back to the beginning and check out some of those original interviews here.

But back to Liz Wilkins. Liz helped me get the podcast off the ground - her wisdom, project management, amazing accountability, and motivation really helped to get the podcast live 2 years ago. Together we were able to move my one off interview series to something that is still going, having impact, making a difference, and most importantly, is something that is enjoyable.  That’s the key to keeping a podcast moving forward and growing the audience… you have to have fun with it.

It just shows, support networks really are everything. As much as you may want to, you can't do everything yourself. Plus when there are people around you who want to support you and believe in what you do as much as you, why should you have to do everything yourself?

Pushing the limits

No More Hiding will always be one of my own biggest achievements in terms of my own visibility, but there are still plenty of other things still on my to do list that will further stretch my limits and self-belief; both in my work and personal life.

One of which is a Marathon in October to fundraise for women's aid. Such a worthy cause gives me the motivation I need to carry on with my training and keep going in those moments when I think I can’t do anymore or I don't have what it takes - because this is what happens with visibility too. You know you need to be seen and heard yet you still hold back and find reasons not to.

So ask yourself, are you still hiding?

‘Hiding’ can range from avoiding sending that email or speaking up and sharing your ideas to telling yourself you don't have what it takes or procrastinating and not doing the things you know you should really be doing. But most of all it's about recognising your value, your expertise at work and believing in yourself and what you really want.

No more hiding

If you are still hiding, do you know why you are hiding?

A lot of the women I have worked with who have figured out the root of why they’re hiding are now actually visible in ways they never thought they would do. They are owning their expertise by telling others about what they do and the results they get - and not just telling their own organisation and boss but taking it wider and making sure they are raising their profile externally too. Not only is this a massive confidence boost, but it also puts you on the map and gives you the edge. It helps you speak up, get the recognition that you deserve and it boosts your career progression. All because you have more clarity about what you want, meaning you’re saying yes to those new opportunities… or even creating your own opportunities.

There is nothing stopping you apart from yourself, and let's face it, that's what we do. We get in our own way. 

Here’s to No More Hiding. You in?

How companies need to focus on retaining their female talent

It might not come as a surprise but there are companies that are losing their best female talent every day. It sounds crazy, especially as it’s the best people who are hardworking and ambitious in your company and will ultimately impact the bottom line and have a greater impact in your industry. Yet still companies are losing incredible employees and aren’t making the necessary changes to prevent it.

It’s happening all the time and there’s plenty of stories and frustrations to be heard from both sides. On one side are those women who have recently left a job because they didn’t feel valued and on the other, are the companies who have been surprised when crucial and devoted staff hand in their notice, seemingly out of the blue.

Women are fed up and feel undervalued and HR teams are frustrated because their best staff are looking elsewhere, so is seems like the right time to look at why this keeps on happening and what can companies start to do about it.

The Root Problem

Firstly, it’s important to ask… what do women want from work? It might seem like a daft question because everyone would say it's to be paid. That's the whole point of work. At one point it may have been but over the years there has been a shift.

People want more than just a good salary from their employer. They want a positive culture, career progression opportunities, and most importantly, they want to have an impact and make a difference with their work. There’s plenty of research to highlight this, most of which stems back to the issue of women feeling undervalued.

Women just want to be valued at work. They want to feel that their job is worthwhile, and the company appreciates they are good at it and are therefore recognised for what they do. All of which contributes hugely to a woman’s visibility in the workplace and has a knock-on effect to their career progression and their loyalty to the company.

The 8 P’s of Career Progression

There are a number of things that help women feel valued. Most will say it’s all about pay and promotions. Both of which are important but there are actually 8 total elements that work together to help women feel valued within a company, demonstrated in our ‘8 P’s of Career Progression’ framework:

1. Pay

2. Promotion

3. Personal development

4. Proactive

5. Preferences

6. Performance

7. Possibilities

8. Partnerships

(Framework by © Gemma Stow 2021)

It’s about a lot more than just money. Which for companies should be great to hear because supporting, developing, and retaining their female talent is therefore not always going to come at a cost.

This does not mean female employees shouldn’t be paid their worth, but there are other options available for companies to make sure they are valuing, recognising, and therefore retaining the talent they've already got.

Why do women leave companies?

There are endless real-life examples of why companies need to better their focus on retaining their staff. One woman who has recently found a new job said:

“I’m leaving because I kept getting overlooked for roles and had been promised promotions that never materialised. Looking elsewhere for a job showed me that my skills and experience are highly valued and that’s not something I had felt for a long time in my current role.”

Another said: 

“One of my biggest drivers at work has been to better myself and progress up the ladder so to speak. Opportunities for promotion are a big deal for me and unfortunately I found that I could not progress at my previous organisation as quickly as I would have liked, so I made the decision to look elsewhere”

Here’s a response that should be shocking but unfortunately happens regularly within companies:

“The further up the management ladder I rose, it was clear a boys' culture existed. I was told to just agree with everything he says and he’ll leave you alone. But more often than not what he was saying was wrong and, in some cases, unsafe.  I left my previous role because the male leaders were narcissists and had zero leadership skills, they would openly mark female employees out of 10 - and not based on their abilities at work either. When this was brought up through the employee survey and taken to the CX and still nothing was done, I knew there and then that I had to leave, I made the decision at that point I didn’t want to work for an organisation that allowed their leaders to treat employees in this way. I do feel it is very industry based as I had worked previously in the financial services sector where gender inequality was never an issue. I have also worked with some incredible male managers who are real female allies. But no amount of money or promise of promotion would have encouraged me to stay.“

It’s clear ‘boy’s clubs’ are still well and truly alive and causing issues for women in some industries, but there’s plenty of other barriers:

“I spent over 10 years in a management role in a previous company. During that time, I also had my two children. When planning my return to work after my first child, I was told that my working pattern options were full-time or part-time job share. I didn’t want to work full-time anymore mainly due to the company’s expectation that I would need to be in the office 8.30-5pm Monday to Friday. Combined with a commute, this would have meant hardly seeing my baby. So my only option was to work half the hours a week which meant substantially less pay and fewer opportunities to gain experience. I had my second child a year later and was actually grateful for working fewer hours with two young children. 

As time moved on though, I offered to increase my hours to cover workload, but the rigidity remained, and I was only ever ‘allowed’ to do this on a temporary basis. More senior roles with the company remained out of reach as they required full time hours. Training was limited due to fewer working hours which meant many of the company’s development opportunities were also out of reach. Despite receiving top scores on appraisals and achieving a huge amount while only working part time, there was nowhere for me to go next. I therefore made the difficult and slightly scary decision to make a sideways move and leave so that I could eventually move upwards.”

There seems to be an impression that women leave their roles due to family commitments or because they want to work less - this couldn't be further from the truth for a lot of women. Most are ambitious and want to be valued, recognised, and rewarded at work. They want more, not less.

And by recognising this fact and acting on it, companies are going to be able to retain their female leaders of the future rather than losing them to the competition.

So what is going wrong and why are companies losing their best talent?

Lack of recognition

The majority of companies know that to keep people you have to value them, but what they aren’t always clear on how to do it. They understand the need to get to know their employees and understand what they need to thrive in the organisation, but action (i.e. promotions and pay reviews) isn’t always taken. However as a company these aren’t your only options to make sure you retain your best staff – consider the 8 Ps of career progression mentioned previously.

Company culture

Is the culture creating barriers for women that don't need to be there and can be addressed? Unfortunately, a lot of the time men don’t see any problems and believe there are no barriers for women. This is why it’s important to be open minded and look beyond what you know or what has been done a certain way for so long.

Listen to your employee’s feedback, when it is not addressed this in turn makes staff feel even less valued. Does your company follow through with investigating things that have been reported? Is there sexism in your culture at work? Making sure that this is addressed not only in behaviours but also in policies and the decision-making process in terms of career progression again encourages women to stay in their roles.

Company Structure

This especially relates to companies that have set hierarchies which therefore means that individuals often don't have access or exposure to the more senior leaders in the company.

When it comes to structure, there are three main areas:

1.     The effectiveness of role models and those who could inspire and encourage upcoming leaders doesn't exist.

2.     Less opportunity for networking and really getting to know all the staff and the ideas and opinions that they could bring to the table - which in turn impacts on successful succession planning because talent is being wasted and unseen.

3.     The structure of a company only serves to reinforce the traditional ways that it has been working.  So it could be missing out on new opportunities for growth and potentially falling behind the competition who are focusing on forward thinking structures, procedures, and ways of working.

Over to you

There’s no one solution to the issue at hand, in fact it is a dual responsibility. Women need to be more visible, own their expertise and really raise their own profile to get recognised and rewarded at work. But to do this, companies need to address the fundamental barriers in the way of women, including sexism, discrimination, boy’s clubs, and lack of contact with senior leaders through outdated hierarchies. 

Working together is the only way to bring about long lasting and meaningful change. 

**Gemma is a self-promotion expert and specialises in working with organisations to identify, develop and retain their female talent and encourage senior level progression to close the gender gap. This is through coaching, consultation, training sessions and workshops. She understands the importance of visibility when it comes to women’s career progression and helps ambitious women find their confidence to own and showcase their expertise.  Host of the ‘No More Hiding: Self Promotion at Work’ podcast - click here to listen.

Message her directly to find out more or book a call here. Download your copy of her white paper ‘Visibility At Work: The Importance of Self Promotion for Women's Career Progression here’. **

NB - When we refer to the terms men/women we are including all non-binary, trans and any marginalised genders

How much does your career progression matter to you?

With everything going on in the world, wellbeing is being taken more seriously than ever; and so it should. It always should, but the global pandemic has really highlighted the importance of wellbeing at work.

At this point, most people and their employers have a decent understanding of their physical and mental wellbeing, but what about in terms of employees’ career wellbeing, how does it then effect career progression? More importantly, what can you do to minimise the negative impacts?

Despite studies clearly showing that career progression and development are directly linked to wellbeing, a lot of companies, and even employees, aren’t recognising the importance and the overall damaging effects it can have on performance, progression and even the overall businesses’ profitability.  

What does wellbeing even mean?

First things first, wellbeing is defined as “the state of being comfortable, healthy, or happy.”

In terms of your career, wellbeing is simply how you feel about your job today, how you feel about your job prospects tomorrow, and how much your work is contributing to your overall wellbeing and life.

If you’re struggling with your career wellbeing, you may start to see the knock-on effects across your life, as research from Gallup found that “people with high career wellbeing are more than twice as likely to be thriving in their lives overall.”

The effects of low career wellbeing

When women are growing, developing, and progressing themselves and their self-awareness, it has a huge impact on their visibility and confidence. They move into the wellbeing state and feel comfortable, healthy and happy, with an almost indestructible with a high sense of wellbeing.

Basically, they come to realise their own value. Indicating a clear link between wellbeing and self-worth – a fundamental factor needed to be able to achieve your full potential in the work environment.

And then on the opposite end of the spectrum are those women who are fed up and frustrated that their hard work is going unnoticed, or they are drowning in tasks that don't light them up anymore. However, they can’t possible see how they would fit in any other company, role or career. It is at this point that resentment starts to build and frustration begins to take its toll.

Going unnoticed at work impacts wellbeing, there's no denying it.  #

When you feel valued, instead of feeling like you’re being taken for granted, your wellbeing increases. You see things much clearer; you are more motivated and your performance at work peaks.  You feel more confident to talk about your achievements and in turn this only serves to increase your value and self-worth even more… in short, you thrive.

How to get out of a career rut

If you’re feeling stuck in a career rut right now there is a high chance this will be impacting on your wellbeing… so what can you do about it?

To help you get the ball rolling, here are four steps that will shift you out of this place and help you start feeling better about your career wellbeing and keep you moving up that career ladder.

Remember why you started

Carve out some time to remind yourself why you do the work in the first place.

Think about what got you into this work, what was your original motivation, and what is your motivation now, has is changed? Is there something missing? Jot down your thoughts and see what comes up.

Whatever you do, don’t settle! That's the worst thing you can do.

Chat to others about how you feel at work

Ideally, have a conversation with your line manager. If you can, be honest with them because there might just be some new opportunities in the horizon that could re-ignite your career spark.

Remember, ditch the guilt! The only person who can make things change is you. This will ultimately have a positive impact for those closest to you.

Figure out what you want

It may sound a little trite, but you wouldn't believe the amount of people (and companies) that really don't know what they want. Yet this is crucial, especially when resentment kicks in and you feel like you are questioning everything - your work and career in particular. 

It’s really hard to focus on what is next if you don't have any idea of where you are heading.

Try something new outside of work that you’ve wanted to do for a long time

This can often boost your confidence and feeling of self-worth which in turn will help if you have been struggling to figure out what lights you up and what you want.

Remember this could be really different from you first started your job and that’s fine – people are supposed to change.

One last thing

If you fancy a bit of housekeeping to see where you are with your own career wellbeing and visibility then click here and take the test to find out how you can do more and celebrate what you are already doing really well.

If you know that you, or your workplace, would benefit from being further educated to grow and support women's career progression, then get in touch about the Step Into Self Promotion Workshops.

** Gemma is a self-promotion expert and specialises in working with organisations to identify, develop and retain their female talent and encourage senior level progression to close the gender gap. This is through coaching, consultation, training sessions and workshops. She understands the importance of visibility when it comes to women’s career progression and helps ambitious women find their confidence to own and showcase their expertise.  Host of the ‘No More Hiding: Self Promotion at Work’ podcast – click here to listen.

Message her directly to find out more or book a call here. Download your copy of her white paper ‘Visibility At Work: The Importance of Self Promotion for Women's Career Progression here’. **

NB - When we refer to the terms men/women we are including all non-binary, trans and any marginalised genders

What is male allyship and how can companies do more?

From the conversations being had around the subject it is obvious that although not a new concept, male allyship is something that needs more attention. 

There are still plenty of issues regarding women’s career progression, the glass ceiling, the gender pay gap, and gender equity, but one thing is clear: they are not women’s issues to solve, they are everybody’s issues to solve.

There is a difference between saying you are a supporter of women’s career progression and then actually taking action to show your support. But if you do believe in equal opportunities then it’s your problem to solve and steps need to be taken. 

Luckily, you don't have to do it alone as the more people on board the equity train the better; and the easier it will be to find the solution. 

What is an allyship?

For those that like definitions, the Oxford dictionary states that, ‘to be an ally is to unite oneself with another to promote a common interest. In an alliance, both parties stand to benefit from the bond or connection they share.’ Which only reinforces that this isn't a women's only issue. 

It’s about working together to achieve gender equity in the workplace. For too long there have been ‘boy’s clubs’ that women aren't privy to and missed opportunities that women haven't had access to. Being discriminated against because they started a family, wanted to work more flexible hours, or have had some time away from work. 

Even working in a male dominated environment and feeling like they have to wear a mask to work or change who they really are. Simply so they don't get labelled aggressive, difficult, or emotional. Plus they have to work even harder to fit in or get a look in for that next promotion.

Although the tables are turning, they still haven't done a 360, so there is still a lot of work to do. One of the ways to combat stereotypes, bias and derogatory behaviour is through education and awareness… which is where male allyship comes in.

Discrimination still exists

There are men out there who are already very supportive of their female colleagues, men who think they are supportive, and men who want to be more supportive. 

There are also men who don’t get it. They have convinced themselves that they don't need to as someone else will do that (usually women), and there are men who don’t want to. Their sexist beliefs are so ingrained that they wouldn't even condone any type of work around gender equity. Now they might be good at talking the talk and ticking the right boxes but deep down they just don't believe that women can do, be, or have the same things as men.

What can you do?

If you are faced with male colleagues, maybe more senior to you, that are not onboard with male allyship or supporting women’s career progression, don't give up. This is the time to think about things differently. 

People sometimes need to hear things on repeat and in different ways for it to sink in. This won’t work for everyone but if a collective of voices are singing the same tune, then that song is even louder and pretty much impossible not to hear. 

Collaboration. Find those allies that want to learn the words and sing with you. 

Where do we start?

It’s about awareness. Not everyone knows what they need to do or say to be better allies, so education is key. 

Creating a safe space to explore beliefs, expectations, unconscious bias, and sometimes very conscious biases that are out there is fundamental. As for real change to happen, pointing the finger of blame doesn't work. It makes people defensive and then nothing changes, or things can even get worse than they already are.

The four types of ally

Allyship and education is such a powerful way to combat all of this.  

There are 4 different types of allyship and by understanding them it’s easier for companies and their people to be better allies and support others to do the same:

Interpersonal: relationships with women.

This is the usual and most common. Where men are line managing women, or women are line managing men at work, this relationship between colleagues and peers is a great way to start an allyship journey. They make it easier to ask questions, listen to experiences, and provide support in that context.

Public: when you become a Proactive ally.

You are still supportive and listening to your female colleagues, but you also start to challenge things when you see it happening. You are aware that you are a role model for others and that this can make a huge difference in how women are treated and how men behave in the workplace.

Systemic: when you become an Advocate for organisational change.

You know that in order to create real long-lasting change for all women, it starts with changing cultures and shifting organisational practices, policies, and procedures. You start to analyse them and fight for changes across the company and beyond.

Performative: when you are being an ally to look good and tick that box. 

Going on the allyship and unconscious bias training or even ‘banter’ training (yes, there is such a thing) to show that you are someone who supports women, but after the training has finished you don't spend another minute thinking about it and you’re back to business as usual. 

This is the type of allyship that shouldn't even be classed allyship.

Are you an ally?

Have a think about the allies that you know or work with - where do they fall? Maybe they are ready to do more and move into a new allyship role to make a bigger impact and difference at work?

And where are you? 

Being a woman doesn't automatically make you an ally, far from it. There are women who aren’t using their own positions and power to support their female colleagues when it comes to career progression - in fact, there are women who are actually hindering their female colleagues.

However and wherever you fit you can always play a part: by paying attention. Everyone can pay attention and notice what is happening. You never know you might just save someone's career or support them to achieve their full potential.

The big picture

This can’t all be put on individuals to do by themselves. Companies need to promote all of these types of allyship because everyone is different and at different stages of their journey.

What is important to note though is what Johnson and Smith (2018) found that the evidence shows that when men are engaged in gender inclusion initiatives, 96% of organisations see progress — compared to only 30% of organisations where men are not engaged.

This is not about fixing women. It’s about fixing the systems that create barriers for their progression.

Don’t fix women, fix systems

Here are some things companies can start to think about: 

• Recognise female talent early on

• Offer mentoring/sponsorship for ambitious women

• Promote women when they are not in the room

• Share networks with them / make introductions

• Ask for their opinions / ideas and then listen - to hear and not to fix!

• Get to know them as individuals and their own barriers

• Break the ‘norms’ e.g. ask men to take minutes

And who better to ask what more allies could be doing to support women than women themselves. Here’s the top 3 answers they gave:

• Listening to understand the challenges and barriers women face in the workplace and how this impacts their progression and development

• Offering mentorship for the women in your workplace to guide and support them into senior positions. Share networks and make those important introductions.

• Being inclusive especially when it comes to career progression opportunities, such as re-looking at job specs and criteria and more flexibility with part time and full-time roles especially in more senior and leadership positions.

 Join the conversation

Although there is still work to do to get greater gender equity, there is always a place where you can get involved at a level that suits you. 

Male allyship is all about standing by each other to make sure that everyone thrives.

If you know that your workplace would benefit from extra support for male allies to be educated to grow and support women's career progression even further, then get in touch about the Stand By Me Workshops.

** Gemma is a self-promotion expert and specialises in working with organisations to identify, develop and retain their female talent and encourage senior level progression to close the gender gap. This is through coaching, consultation, training sessions and workshops. She understands the importance of visibility when it comes to women’s career progression and helps ambitious women find their confidence to own and showcase their expertise.  Host of the ‘No More Hiding: Self Promotion at Work’ podcast - click here to listen.

Message her directly to find out more or book a call here. Download your copy of her white paper ‘Visibility At Work: The Importance of Self Promotion for Women's Career Progression here’. **

NB - When we refer to the terms men/women we are including all non-binary, trans and any marginalised genders

How can my company celebrate International Women's Day?

With International Women's Day on 8 March 2021 it's important to have a think about how you and your company will be celebrating.  Here are some ideas that have worked really well for companies in the past and might be things that you haven't considered before and also to bust some myths and obstacles you might come up against when planning your party!

Why celebrate International Women’s Day?

The whole point of IWD is to celebrate all things female.  This includes everything from celebrating women's achievements to raising awareness about gender parity, developing female leadership and supporting those charities and others that work on female focused activities.  

Did you know that It has been going for 110 years since 1911 when the first National Woman's Day (NWD) and gathering happened in the United States.  This was on the back of the 15k women who marched in 1908 through new york city demanding fair pay and equal rights.  Copenhagen followed in 1910 with the first conference for working women. 

The 8th March became a fixed date from 1914 and it was that year women marched from Bow to Trafalgar Square in London.  There is more information on the history of IWD in a comprehensive timeline you can read on the IWD website.  If you are interested in brushing up on your history check it out HERE.

Busting Myths Around International Women’s Day

There are a few myths that surround this special day and I thought this would be a great opportunity to bust them.  And at the same time give you some ammunition if you come up against any obstacles when wanting to mark International Women’s Day at work.

1. Ticked it off the list - job done! 

The first is that if you do one thing on the day then you’ve sorted it for that year. On the whole it's a great start. However Gender Equity is not only a once a year tick box exercise  - please don't think for a moment that if you have organised something to celebrate the women in your organisation then that's it job done.  It is an ongoing process and one which must be considered every day in all areas of the business.  Something that will one day become a default and won't have to be talked about because it will be the norm.

2. It’s only a women’s issue!

The second is that It's only a women's issue - this couldn't be further from the truth.  Male allyship is absolutely crucial and this isn't about men being put on a pedestal and giving special treatment for being an ally. It's about them standing by women, being more than performative allies and supporting them everyday.

3. We don't need a day to celebrate women.

The third myth is that we don't need this day anymore.  Until there is equity for all then we still need awareness days to do exactly that - raise awareness.  People may ask if there is still a need for IWD and of course there is - whilst there is inequality then there is still work to do. 

12 Ways to Celebrate IWD

Here are 12 different, interesting and fun ways that you and your company recognise this day.  I have also taken into account that we are in a global pandemic right now and these things that I will share can all be done virtually!

 

• Personally acknowledge and thank female employees; through a personalised note or card to organising internal networking sessions so that they connect with other women in the company - more important than ever right now whilst in lockdown and working remotely.

• Get social and show your support and solidarity online - give some awesome women a shout out and surprise them or share amazing work that women are doing to make a difference for others.  You can even join the movement and take a selfie with one hand in the air as part of this years theme and tag #ChooseToChallenge #IWD2021

• Review current policies in the organisation - are they fit for purpose or really outdated?  Create a steering group to keep on top of it.

• Host an online event that celebrates the women in your company and maybe get some to share their stories to inspire others. 

• Invest in training, workshops and lunch and learn sessions to support women in areas that they feel they need to know more about and this can also include sessions for the men to support them to better support women and be the male allies needed at work - The Harvard Business Review found there is 96% more progress when men are actively involved in gender parity initiatives at work.

• Support charities that are focused on female activities or female led businesses.  Showcase your support. You could even do something as dramatic as running a marathon or some other challenge that could help you raise awareness and essential funds for these charities. You could do a group challenge through work.

• Organise a speed mentoring session with different leads / senior managers within your organisation - so that women can access time and pick the brains of those that inspire them and build those important stakeholder relationships. 

• Create an inclusive video of the women at work asking them what they would ‘choose to challenge’ within the workplace or with the current juggle that they are experiencing.

• Host an award ceremony recognising and rewarding incredible women for doing their job.

• Facilitate internal networking events for women to build relationships, share experiences and increase the support for everyone.

• Share different literature and resources around female empowerment and female leadership that maybe others cannot readily access.

• And don't forget to recognise the awesome women in your life - a few words of acknowledgement and thanks can go a long way. 

 

This is definitely not an exhaustive list but gives you some ideas - had this been a previous year I might have included decorate the office or throw a party but unless it’s virtual that won't be an option in 2021.  

 

This time last year I was grateful to be facilitating a face to face in person ‘Stepping into Self Promotion’ workshop at a housing association to develop their female leaders. The second one was cancelled because of the lockdown at the end of March 2020.  All was not lost, and we got around to hosting it later on in the year as well as a further two group coaching programmes for female development - all virtual and all a massive success.  So there is no excuse not to celebrate International Women’s Day.  

 

I am super excited that I get to meet a lot more women and men who care about gender equity, through the workshops I am hosting in March for IWD 2021 that connect closely with this years theme #ChooseToChallenge.  

 

The IWD focused workshops include; 

 

> Self Promotion is not a Dirty Word; 

> Self Advocacy Builds Self Promotion; 

> The Importance of Visibility for Women’s Career Progression; 

> How to make Networking Work;  

> Stand by Me: Male Allyship in the workplace (one for the men who are committed to supporting their female colleagues and want to do more).

 

If any of these workshops would benefit your company and its people then get in touch and let’s see how we can make IWD a huge success for your organisation. One that not only impacts your employees through training and personal development, but also builds an ongoing inclusive and diverse culture in the workplace that can only result in more success.

 

It’s time to choose to challenge the status quo and remember that IWD is a day for everyone to come together to fight for equity for ALL women everywhere! 

How will you play your part?

**Gemma is a self promotion expert and specialises in working with organisations to identify, develop and retain their female talent and encourage senior level progression to close the gender gap. This is through coaching, consultation and workshops. She understands the importance of visibility when it comes to women’s career progression and helps ambitious women find their confidence to own and showcase their expertise.  Host of the ‘No More Hiding: Self Promotion at Work’ podcast - clicking here to listen.

Message her directly to find out more or book a call here. Download your copy of her white paper ‘Visibility At Work: The Importance of Self Promotion for Women's Career Progression here’.**

The Forgotten Leaders - What female leaders really need

The impact of Covid19 on organisations is placing huge amounts of pressure on female leaders to continue as ‘business as usual’. And while they wouldn’t want anything more than BAU, there has to be some recognition that women also take on extra burdens when it comes to family and home life.

HR Directors are feeling the pressure right now to get it right for their employees

And it’s no surprise when 79% of HR managers believe that remote working has led to employees working longer hours and feeling under pressure to be ‘online’ to prove they're available and working through their task lists.

We all want to support our leaders - but during this time of crisis, it’s difficult to know what needs to be done (and how to manage everyone's needs!) to keep business moving forward.

That's why it's so important to explore what female leaders really need right now and how we can do this when the signs aren't as simple to spot when you're trying to manage them remotely.

It’s time to look at;

> what female leaders need 

> what happens if they don’t get it 

> how organisations can fully support them to stay at the top of their game so that they can hit key performance indicators.

The impact of Remote Working on Women

Covid19 and remote working has resulted in female leaders carrying more weight and more responsibilities than ever before.

Referred to as the ‘double double shift’ by Sheryl Sandberg and Rachel Thomas after they carried out extensive research (April 2020) that found 31% of women with full time jobs and families feel they have more to do than they can handle and 1 in 4 experience severe anxiety.  

Not only do they have to consider how their own teams are managing, but they also have extra things to manage for themselves including homeschooling and caring for family members as well as continuing to show up for work and feeling the pressure to be accessible to support loved ones.

Female leaders avoid stepping forward and explaining the extra pressures that they're under with homeschooling, video call pressures, technical challenges etc - because they fear the judgement that will follow about their capabilities.

They instead suffer in silence because they fear the judgement that will follow about their capabilities.

Organisations need to recognise that female leaders are managing bigger roles than ever both professionally and personally and are suffering from higher than ever levels of guilt and stress around performance.

Three major areas contributing to the high levels of work related anxiety are;

1 - Discipline

Lack of routine is causing serious issues for female leaders. Most leaders have key work routines - and these have been uprooted by new challenges; working from home, having to home-school, look after themselves etc.

Whilst female leaders recognise that they need to create new habits and routines to ensure long term success, they're also;

• Questioning how they can maintain their work ethics and discipline that feels good and does not pile on the pressure

• Exploring what their priorities are for them, their family and their career and teams.

 ** Cues for Companies **

What can we be looking for that demonstrates a female leader may need support developing a new routine?

Are there any senses of overwhelm or disorganisation? Is there a lack of communication? Having the same conversations over and over with little action? Defensive? Negative? Too busy?

2 - Self Belief

Self belief is an important trait for any leader.  It ensures that they can lead people to also believe in the organisation and vision for the company.

When self belief is knocked or confidence is lowered it has a huge effect on their ability to lead, make critical decisions and stay focused without panic or overwhelm leading the way.

The current crisis has knocked confidence across the board; leaders are worried about furloughed staff, performance management - and home management. This pressure on women to perform at their peak and not discuss the difficulties of doing so, means that they carry a huge burden - silently - which leads to self doubts creeping in.

This is where resilience is key. 

It's how the self doubts are pushed to one side making room for strong leadership.

Building resilience takes self reflection, focusing on strengths, receiving feedback, professional and personal development through the safe space to talk about what’s going on and learn new strategies that will help women to deal with leading their teams remotely.

** Cues for Companies **

What might be happening that highlights the need for confidence building for your female leaders?

Is there procrastination around decision making?  A lack of energy / enthusiasm? Are they still delegating? Are the team getting support from others? Lack of ideas or creativeness? Lack of strong questions?

3 - Emotional Support 

Research suggests that women who are in managerial or senior roles are great at supporting others yet not as great at asking for support when they need it.  

Avoiding the judgement of not being capable or ‘good enough’ for the role they worked so hard to secure. They know it’s not a weakness and can delegate well however what is often missing is the emotional support piece that is crucial for effective leadership.

“Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions and your interactions with other people. Emotionally intelligent leaders practice self-awareness, regulate their emotions and clearly express how they're feeling to others.” (Indeed 2020)

Women are more likely to talk to their counterparts than those they report to about their struggles.  And apart from getting it off their chest this doesn't always help them with the practicalities and pressures of leadership. This solidarity can often decrease as women climb the ladder.

** Cues for companies **

 What are signs that your female leaders are in need of additional support for them to feel emotionally strong.

Are your leaders more withdrawn? Are they doing more hours than normal? Do they have a support network?  Are they taking on the team's burdens?  How do you make sure your female leaders can approach seniors for support?

What your company can do about it

Companies could lose their best leaders should they not pay attention to what they need right now - which may be different to what they have needed before. The result is that women don’t feel valued and start to look around.  This needs long term thinking way beyond the current crisis.

Companies could;

• Ask them if they have other caring responsibilities and how this will impact on their work

• Look out for some of the cues mentioned above and talk to your leaders

• Offer more flexibility around working hours

• Show you value what they are doing - feedback, paying attention to performance

• Set clear expectations regarding workload - priority setting

• Offer external coaching support without time pressures on senior managers

• Offer different ways of keeping in touch rather than only online team meetings

I am supporting female team leaders right now to feel empowered to lead and be there fully for their teams.  These women need the next level of support so that they can not only feel valued by their organisation but have the space to feel strong enough to support others too.  Get in touch for more information or book a call to discuss your leaders’s needs.

** Gemma Stow helps companies develop their female talent to encourage senior level career progression through in house training, group / private coaching, and online workshops so that they can benefit from more female senior leaders, increased performance and reduce the gender pay gap. It empowers their female employees to step up, go for the next level promotions, showcase themselves and their company through purposeful networking; building solid connections; increased performance; and, creating opportunities so that they can be confident at the next level. 

Message her directly to find out more or book in a call here. Download your copy of the white paper ‘Visibility At Work: The Importance of Self Promotion for Women's Career Progression’ by clicking here or listen to the No More Hiding Podcast here.**

Still hiding: Female introverts avoiding self promotion

There's still a long way to go for women and self promotion

It seems the more I talk about this subject the more people resonate with it. Women are telling me that self promotion is the biggest thing that is holding them back.

And when I talk about self promotion I am not only referring to sales. I am talking about selling yourself. Speaking up and telling others how great you are. Asking for more. Sharing your ideas and opinions with confidence. Using your voice. Being heard.

It would seem that even when women are confident and successful at what they do, there is still an aspect of holding back from sharing that. They just get on with the day job, and hope that those they have impacted and worked with will tell others. And this is a great way of marketing, but it’s not the only way.

I sell confidence.

It is my thing and I love to help women feel more confident and believe in themselves. I not only have to show what I’ve got, and how I do that, but I also have to be confident too. Lead by example. But that doesn’t mean I can’t talk about the times when I am not. I am authentic and what you see is most definitely what you get.

I am not someone that becomes a different person when I walk on stage or has a new persona when I do a facebook live. I am actually quite proud of the fact that when I meet people in ‘real life’ they actually say ‘wow you are just the same’. And that’s because integrity is so important to me. Being who you say you are. Doing what you say you do. I can’t be anyone but me and I think this is the starting place for all women when it comes to self promotion.

You are selling you.

And that is the tough bit for a lot of people, especially introverts who I specialise in working with as they often want to avoid the spotlight or putting themselves in the middle of a massive noisy networking event full of small talk and people they would run a mile from, never mind work with.

A recent study by Lindeman, Durik & Dooley (2019) confirmed what we all think and that’s women worry too much about what others think of them. They go into more detail around stereotypes and the impact of what women want to do, in comparison of what they ‘should’ do, resulting in cognitive dissonance so they don’t promote themselves at all, but it comes down to that dualism - it is almost like we want to stand out, whilst wanting to fit in.

So where does that leave women who need to promote themselves?

The obvious answer is to forget what people think about you - but it isn’t as easy as that as this forms part of the belief system you hold about yourself created over your entire lifetime. So what is needed is to look at that cognitive dissonance between wanting to stand out and also belong, unpick those beliefs and start to form new ones in order to actively enjoy promoting yourself with the knowledge that it can only help others when you do. That it’s not all about you.

Then we have other obstacles that creep in like imposter syndrome and self doubts which can be tackled in the same way. In other words; self awareness is key to growth. Learn three proven strategies to be more confident with self promotion which I know has already helped so many women get started and feel good about it.

Promotion is serious business

If no one knows what you do then no one will buy - it is that simple. But you don’t have to do what everyone is doing and I think that in itself often puts women off too. Yet we are led to believe the opposite to be true; and whilst watching others we think we have to be like them to be heard or stand out. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Isn’t it time we started testing our own theories, experimenting and seeing what works for us? But to do that you have to start talking about YOU.

International Women’s Day

We are celebrating International Women’s day and celebrating ALL women around the world, there are still areas that need to be addressed. Not only equality in general, the gender pay gap, sexual exploitation, but also how we view ourselves. Where do we as individual women fit into this big picture on a day to day basis.

I know so may women who don’t know how amazing they are. They just don’t see what I see. And that’s why I love to be able to open their eyes and unlock all their power and potential. Women need to see the positives in promoting themselves in an authentic way that feels good to them. It doesn’t have to be the way ‘promotion’ has always been or always been seen - but can be fun and meaningful for everyone.

The more women can look inside themselves and make those changes they need to make to step up and speak out - then the more other women will be inspired to do the same.

This is the most important step as a female leader in your industry; to stand out amongst the noise at a time when the internet seems to be exploding with everyone doing the same thing.

You are not the same - you are unique - now go show them that.

** Gemma Stow works with female leaders who are introverts and are ready to take themselves and their business to the next level.  To find what is getting in the way of putting themselves forward, self promotion and creates a space for them to explore who they really are and who they want to become.  As well as  private coaching using high level techniques including CBT, NLP and MI , she runs Introverts Talk Biz events where women come together to share ideas, struggles and make plans. More info on the next one HERE. Or book in a chat with Gemma if you are looking to increase your confidence so that you can do the things you keep telling yourself you can’t do **

You don't need to be extroverted to be successful or happier

Articles and opinions telling me how I should be more extroverted to be successful in business frustrate me.

There are so many and even the ones that are supposed to be championing us introverts are still using the same old descriptors, shy, quiet, anti social……for the love of god please hear me when I say - Introverts are phenomenal, can be loud, ambitious, strong and love meeting people. Ok so we might have to hibernate for a day or two after doing all that but that doesn’t mean we don’t want to! I am not quiet but I LOVE quiet.

Introverts are amazing business owners and amazing people!

Research seems to be finally figuring it out that we don’t have to be more extroverted to be happier - come on, you really think that’s news to us? Why would we to change who we are. Of course we want to learn new ways of doing things, but that doesn’t mean we want to be more extroverted. We like being who we are. I love that I can spend time alone and come up wth ideas and the answers to things I have been overthinking for days. I love that feeling after I have actually been to a networking event when I get home and kick off my shoes, put my pjs on and feel proud to have met some new interesting people and told them about what I am up to. I love challenging myself to do the things I think I can’t only to realise I can actually do them and if I can do this then nothing is out of my reach.

Please don’t let your introversion stop you doing anything if you want it that much. If you don’t and you are happy to chill out at home and stay in your comfort zone then that’s fine too. It’s all about what YOU want that matters and that might mean stepping up and out of that comfort zone!

Asking or expecting somebody to change what is fundamental about them like their personality, is never going to make anyone happier.

Now I am the biggest believe in change. I was a Probation officer for years and also worked with some very vulnerable and challenging young people so I know that believing in change is part of who I am. It is possible for everyone. But this is about change that is welcomed or craved. Saying things like ‘introverts will be more happier if they are more extroverted’ is like the craziest thing I have heard. I am happiest to be me. Yes I am happy to push and challenge myself because that’s part of my personality too! It has nothing to do with me being an introvert. Introversion is about energy and I get my energy from being alone it’s as simple as that.

There is a massive difference between changing WHO you are and challenging yourself to do things you THINK you can't. The things you actually WANT to do.

Introverts are great leaders.

Now someone recently said to me “No we are looking for strong dynamic and entrepreneurial types - not introverts!”. Oh really. Well check out some of the great leaders in the world to realise that this belief is just nonsense and so outdated. I consider myself to be all of these things and I bet you do too.

Working for yourself, building your own business and being ambitious will mean (regardless of personality) that you will have to push yourself to do things you haven't done before. If it were easy everyone would be doing it. But not everyone will or can be a leader and that is something you have to decide for yourself - are you ready to lead or follow?

It's not easy but it can be so worthwhile and not just have a massive impact on your business, but also massively boost your own confidence too. For instance I have supported women to step up and tell more people about how great they are at what they do and what they stand for, despite them feeling 'cringey', because we worked together to find a way that felt GOOD to them. You don’t have to do it the way ‘extroverts’ have done business over the years.

You have the chance to carve out your own path. Do that.

**Gemma Stow works with female leaders who are introverts and are ready to take themselves and their business to the next level.  To find what is getting in the way of putting themselves forward and creates a space for them to explore who they really are and who they want to become.  As well as high level private coaching, she runs Introverts Talk Biz events where women come together to share ideas, struggles and make plans. More info on the next one HERE. Or book in a chat with Gemma if you are looking to increase your confidence so that you can do the things you keep telling yourself you can’t do **

Am I an introvert and why it matters in business?

So many people say to me “ you don’t need to label people we are all different”. Of course I know this already. Having worked in the public sector in probation, and with young people with different challenging behaviour there can be nothing worse than being labelled and being put into a box that is a one size fits all scenario!

But labelling can also have it’s benefits.

For years I used to think that I didn’t measure up. Questioning myself why couldn’t I be more like ‘her’, love public speaking, oozing confidence, full of charisma, the life and soul of the party?

It’s really important in business that you figure out who you are and get really clear on what you can do, what you think you can’t do and what you really want to do.

People often tell me that people that there is no need for labelling and who cares if you’re introvert or extrovert personality, but of course it does matter as it’s all about who you are and what you like to do and enjoy to do, rather than having to always feel like you’re not good enough because you don’t do things in a certain way and that is often the case for introverts.

Business is about telling others about what you do.

You know business is about the selling, marketing, visibility, putting yourself out there and at the same time all those things can scare the hell out of introverts because it’s doesn’t always appeal to us. However the only reason it scares us is because we associate all these things with being big, loud and in your face. When they really don’t need to be.

I know a lot of introverts that are amazing at selling because they do it in a way that feels good to them. They make real connections with people, build relationships get to know their customers. You just have to find the way that works for you not against you. I’m all about you finding out what your superpowers are and using them to your advantage in your business.

Am I an introvert?

So the traditional way to decide about your personality is to do the old school personality tests. I’m sure you’ve heard of Myers Briggs and other kind of personality questionnaires that you can spend time filling in your preferences and then it will come back and tell you what kind of personality you’ve got and what your strengths and your weaknesses are and all that kind of stuff.

If you’re interested here a few links to some of the personality test that you can take to see what you’re kind of personality is and they can be quite enlightening actually and when you read things about yourself like that makes sense under things start to fall into place for you. Check out Susan Cain’s or Sixteen personalities to start with.

It might also make you realise you know where some areas in your business needs some work. You know you are the expert at what you do for work, however there are always things in business that we avoid because they just don’t feel good are they not aligned with our personality.

So I am an introvert, what now?

Well now is the exciting part you get to look at all the areas of your life and see where your strengths are and how you can play on those strengths and use them to your advantage in business. It is all about looking at the things that you’ve previously decided aren’t for you and maybe to take a new perspective on them. For example a business owner downloaded my free guide on how to network even if you are an introvert and hate talking to strangers. After that she got in touch and told me the impact that had on her networking journey. She had started to regularly attend a local event. She has now spoken at that event and won an award for her business. From telling herself that networking wasn’t her thing to actually finding the right one for her has been a massive game changer!

So why not think of three things and figure out what it is but you need to focus on more in your business to really get the results you’re after. What have you been avoiding and telling yourself it isn’t your thing? Take a new perspective on it - how can you use your strengths to make it work for you?

I couldn’t find a networking event that really worked for me - so I started my own ‘Introverts Talk Biz’ and I haven’t looked back. The feedback has been incredible. One women said it was a like ‘coming home’ and she realised she could actually enjoy networking.

Here are three things you can think about….

1. Where do your clients come from and are you actually being visible in that area? Just because it doesn’t necessarily float your boat - it might float your clients? Can you make it work?

2. Figure out what makes business fun for you? It’s all about enjoying what you do - so take stock of your business model - does it actually serve you?

3. Make sure you factor time in your diary to re-energise. If you’re pushing yourself out of your comfort zone by going to networking events, showing up online etc you need to factor in some time alone to get your energy back. If you don’t do this you and keep pushing without time for yourself you start to become exhausted and feel negative towards your work, which could reinforce that you shouldn’t be doing the things you doing, when actually a lot of good and positive things can come from it.

When people tell you that it doesn’t matter if you’re an introvert, extrovert or someone in between, it actually really does matter and it really matters to your business and the success you want. Don’t hold back from trying different things - it might just be that you need to do things in your own way!

So maybe it’s about time you figured out what this means to you and how you can use it to your advantage. Figure out what your true strengths are and have some fun in business, it doesn’t have to be stressful and yes it will be hard work, but building a business is a rollercoaster so why not find the fun in everything you are doing instead of feeling scared or avoiding it.

Figuring out that you’re an introvert in business can be the best thing that ever happened. Let me know how you get on.

**Gemma Stow works with female entrepreneurs who are introverts and are ready to take themselves and their business to the next level.  To find their fierce and take that all important action.  As well as private coaching, she runs a membership called Club Fierce that gives that personal touch to women who are looking for support, accountability and an environment that breeds self belief and results.  More info HERE. Or book in a chat with her if you are looking to increase your confidence in different areas and find your inner fierce **

Why you and your business are missing out by avoiding networking events!

It is true – there is nothing that really compares to a live event. 

I have found this especially in business.  The powerful connections and life changing experiences have all started with events.  Getting to know others, being around likeminded people, having an understanding and similar purpose.

I hated events. 

Because it has not always been like that for me.  I hated events.  I hated networking events even more.

Why?  When we all know that building ‘know, like and trust’ is crucial to any business and by meeting people face to face can really speed up this process. 

Well I am a proud introvert and small talk and mingling with strangers and having to stand up and talk in front of them all within a specific time frame quite frankly does not float my boat.

So I used to avoid them – send my team to them – tell them it was for their own good to enhance their professional development and all that good stuff – when really I was hiding behind the fact that I couldn’t think of anything worse than attending these business events where you had to sell yourself – I mean that stuff is made for extroverts and egos right?

I bet I can give you five reasons why you avoid networking?

1.  Because you have to talk to strangers and make a good impression and introduce your business (and you still haven’t really got clear as clear can be on what it is you really do yet?)

2. Because it will mean taking time out of the day / evening that you could be spending working on the business (and let’s face it that’s the bit you love, that’s where the passion is at right?)

3.  You end up sat on your own (which you quite like) and smiling sheepishly at all those other delegates that have got it together and schmoozing the room like they own the god damn place looking at you with sympathetic feel sorry for you eyes.

4.  Why the hell would you pay for all of the above!

5.  You walk away without any new connections (because you only spoke to Michelle who you met last time because she works behind the bar), a goody bag full of business cards (your own included) and no further on with the results you are aiming for in your business.  No ROI (return on investment at all).

I understand I really do and don’t feel bad because we all feel like this at some point or another. 

 

Find events that are YOUR kind of events.

The trick is to find events that are your kind of events with your kind of people and this may involve attending a lot of 'frogs' to find the 'prince' of events that will give you new connections, access to new networks, referrals and recommendation opportunities.  

And that’s not because you spent the entire time selling yourself and being pushy – nope.  It is because you felt comfortable in the space to be able to help and support others in their business.  To give, not take.  That is the most important thing to remember.

 

You can be an introvert and actually get the most from business events.

You don't have to be the loudest in the room to be heard and you definitely don't have to be all about the sales to be remembered for who you are.  You have all you need already.  Listen to others, really listen and find people you are really interested in.  And ask them about their business.  And don't dread the "what do you do?" questions - go with it - someone else you get to show how passionate you are about what you do and why you do it!

 

I love nothing more than making real connections.

Well it is funny how times have changed, from hating such events, to now hosting my own. I also invest a lot in attending other's events too - ones that I know will be full of my kind of people and they always pay off.

Mine are not ordinary traditional events, but the type that are perfect for introverts like you to make real connections.  To get the most out of the investment you are putting into going in the first place – after all pjs and Netflix or a glass of vino with a good friend is also very appealing.

But networking (which in basic terms only really means interact with others to exchange information and develop professional or social contacts) is the cornerstone of business. 

It is so important in so many ways.  Not only for getting new customers and putting your business on the map, but also for your own support and developing relationships with people who get it and understand how tough it can be to work for yourself.

So if you are now a little convinced that actually venturing outside and attending an event or two might be something that you should think about to grow your business and your confidence then grab my free guide to get you started on the right path.   It has 5 simple steps to prepare you for your networking fun, will build your confidence and give you purpose.  Let me know how you get on!

Maybe my monthly event "Introverts Talk Biz" could be the perfect place to start - more info on the next event is here.   Time to get yourself out there and give your business the chance it deserves!

**Gemma Stow works with female entrepreneurs who are introverts and are ready to take themselves and their business to the next level.  To find their fierce and take that all important action.  As well as private coaching, she runs monthly events where Introverts Talk Business and a membership called Club Fierce that gives that personal touch to women who are looking for support, accountability and an environment that breeds self belief and results.  More info HERE. **

But introverts don't do business do they?

This was actually said to me today whilst I was chatting to somebody about being featured in the Yorkshire Post about my new face to face events for female introverts in business. 

"But introverts don't do business do they, aren't they too quiet?"

Wow.  I was pretty stunned as this came from a business owner I respect, but who obviously didn't have a clue about what introversion even means.  The next comment was indeed "so can men be introverted?'.  Oh dear.

It feels like there is a long way to go to educate people on what introversion actually is all about.  

The day before I was told that introverts are the worst listeners because they are too busy listening to themselves.  WTF.  Listening is my superpower and is what makes me a great coach to hear others on a different level, and not only hear the words, but also hear what lies beneath them as well.  It takes the concept of listening to another level.

But as I push forward on my mission to prove female introverts need to stop hiding because they have more than enough to be amazing at making real differences to others lives, I will definitely be up against more misconceptions for sure!  I mean I get told time and time again that I can't be an introvert because of my presence on social media.  Say what?

 

So I wanted to start by saying that introverts do business and do it really well. 

And if you still need convincing you only need to look at the likes of Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk, Warren Buffett and what about the ladies... Rosa Parks, JK Rowling, Emma Watson and Marissa Mayer.

It is also important to understand why you should get to know your own personality traits and how empowering that can be.  Lots of people tell me not to label as they are not useful.  I have spent most of my career trying my best not to label others and put them into boxes - however something happens when your own level of self awareness increases - you get your power back.

You start to recognise your strengths and skills that you just took for granted because you've always had them, they are a part of you. 

And actually these should be explored, developed and celebrated.  

 

I am not naive to think there isn't a darker side. 

Getting to know yourself means you could fall into the trap of using your introverted personality as an excuse not to do all the things that feel uncomfortable to you or zap all of your energy.  When actually to build your business you need to consider how you will make it work for you.  After all business is about identifying the things you think you can't and doing them anyway.

I know this from first hand experience of pushing my team to do the things I didn't want to do.  Things like selling, presenting, networking, making new connections, making phone calls, pitching, promoting and all that stuff, you get the picture. 

 

But I learnt quite quickly that nobody can sell my business like I can. 

I have the passion and that can't be replicated.  And you can't be either.

For too long business has been focused on the more extrovert personalities - and we have all been led to believe that this is what makes a business successful and that we have to be more 'extroverted' to win.  So much so, that it often puts off introverts from starting a business in the first place.

 

These are outdated, misleading conclusions derived from personality tests produced decades ago. 

I have experienced that the opposite is quite often more of a truer picture.  That introverts can use their super powers to be amazing at selling, presenting and promoting themselves and their business.  To avoid the fluffy crap that is often associated with pushy or cheesy sales, or drawn out boring presentations, and actually make real business connections in networking that will go somewhere.

So the next time you hear that introverts are too quiet or shy to be good at business, or even if you are telling yourself that - please remind them (and you) that in your face, intense energy, loud voices, small talk and big ego's don't always win the race. 

You have all you need to start and that's the most important part.

 

Never underestimate the power of an introvert's silence. 

It doesn't indicate nothing is happening.  It indicates everything is happening. 

And you can't even see it, yet.

**Gemma Stow works with female entrepreneurs who are introverts and are ready to take themselves and their business to the next level.  To find their fierce and take that all important action.  As well as private coaching, she runs a membership called Club Fierce that gives that personal touch to women who are looking for support, accountability and an environment that breeds self belief and results.  More info HERE. **

How post natal depression made me a savvy business woman.

10 years ago everything changed.   July 2008.

Not only did I become a mum for the first time, but ironically I also lost who I was. 

It was the first time I didn’t believe I could do something that I ‘should’ have been able to do naturally. 

I felt like a failure. The biggest failure of all time. Alone. Just me.  I realised I was carrying around the feeling for years that if I can fail at being a mum,  I’ll probably fail at everything else.  This realisation was the game changer for me and my businesses.

 

Post natal depression is hard to describe.

That feeling of hopelessness. That nothing I could do would ever be good enough. The anxiety and worry every minute of every day. The huge responsibility that was often too heavy to bare.  The dark cloud that followed me around. The fog. 

But looking back it also had a profound affect on me. It made me reassess what I really wanted. What makes me tick. And not what I thought I ‘should’ be under the pressures of society. 

 

It taught me to listen to my instincts.

That when I listen, really listen, they are super specific and usually spot on.

They know. I know. What’s really best. 

Accepting that working and making a difference to other people’s lives is in my blood. I needed it like I needed the air I breath. 

Not because it was satisfying some empty void, but because it was a sense of purpose. A determined purpose to make things happen. To create change. To unlock potential. A purpose I’ve felt deep inside since I was a little girl. Knowing I needed to aim high no matter what. To do the things that can’t be done. 

Because of this I didn’t think I could be a good mum. Because I didn’t crave to be with my children every minute of every day and I wanted to work instead. That feeling this way was bad. That I was bad. 

 

But I proved myself wrong.

By listening to what I needed, I could be EVERYTHING to my gorgeous baby girl. 

I see her today. Strong willed. Fiercely independent. Oozing confidence. A sense of belief in herself that she is capable of anything she sets her mind too.  And she is. 

I see me. The real me. 

The me that was once crushed by this sense of having to do the ‘right thing’ whatever that was. That I wasn't good enough if I didn't do what was expected of me - to stay at home and care for my children for all of the hours in the day.  The pressure and guilt associated with choosing to go to work instead.  I say choosing because I was.  I wanted to build a business from scratch and I knew that would take up a lot of energy and time.  Time away from my family.

Do I regret working so early on when she was little?  No. 

Do I regret not spending more time at home in the early days?  No. 

Do I think she’s lost out because of the decisions I’ve made?  No. 

Because I know that I had to find me before I could be the best mum to her and her brother. They are my world.

When I look at them. I mean really look at them. My heart stops and they sum up the sense of purpose. 

To not only teach them, but show them everyday that they too can do the things they may think they can’t. That they can be, do and have whatever they want. 

I couldn’t have planned or predicted the last ten years and I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m more of the woman I had hoped I’d be. An inspiration to others.  Doing things that scare me. Making a difference. Taking risks. Trying things that others wouldn’t try. And things they didn’t want me to try either. Being the change I wish to see in the world. 

Am I still scared? Of course. 

Because if nothing else the last ten years have shown me that curveballs are around every corner. Waiting to test you.  Waiting to teach you.  A look. A comment. A loss. 

Those feelings still show up. But I spot them coming now.  I know them really well because I decided to get up close to them. To see them for what they are. 

Every experience we go through defines us.

The good, the bad and the ugly. Look for the lessons and embrace it by believing in yourself and how much you are truly capable of getting whatever you really want. 

**Gemma Stow works with female entrepreneurs who are introverts and are ready to take themselves and their business to the next level.  To find their fierce and take that all important action.  As well as private coaching, she runs a membership called Club Fierce that gives that personal touch to women who are looking for support, accountability and an environment that breeds self belief and results.  More info HERE. **

Should I start my own business?

It is probably one of the biggest questions you could ask yourself  'Should I start my own business?' because it truly can be life changing.

You start to have that type of niggiling feeling.  Seeing others you know who are taking the leap to quit their jobs and start to work for themselves.  From what you know and have heard it is hard work but in return you get freedom and flexibility to work when and where you want.  To decide your own working hours. 

But on the other side, the dark side, you have been told that it takes over your life.  That to have any kind of success you have to live and breathe your business, you have to sacrifice the things you love the most such as time with your family and work double the amount of hours you would in your full time employment.

And there's the perks you leave behind - the paid holidays, sick days, guaranteed salary, stability and financial security.

Now this last part really gets me going.  That as business owners we are not seen to have a secure income, yet if you work for someone else you are.  That person you work for also needs to make sure they pay your wages and their own.  So actually having more control over what you can potentially earn, seems to me to be more secure than working for someone else when you think about it?

But how do you know if it's the right time to start a business?

The first thing to do is to find out what you are really passionate about, because without passion it is really hard to keep your motivation high on those days when it can be really tough.

The four questions you can ask yourself are:

• "Why do I want to work for myself?".  Explore your values around this and what is your key driving force?  Family, flexibility, potential to earn more income, freedom to work in different places, make a difference and an impact on others..... what is your driver?

• "What am I really passionate about?".  What are the things you could talk all night about and not get bored (you might bore others but who cares because you love it).

• "What are my strengths, skills and experience that I can bring to a business?".  Think about what work you have done really well before.  What do you love about work and how can your skills help you with a business opportunity?

• "What problem can I help to solve?".  What problem can you see in the area that you are passionate about, a gap in the market, or feel you can do something way better than it's being done now - explore that further.

When you have answers to these four things then you know you are on your way to creating something amazing.  This is when the "What if's" will kick in and that fear of failure.  What if it all goes wrong, what if is a complete flop and I don't have what it takes.

Having confidence and self belief is the cornerstone to a successful business. 

Yes it's important to get your branding, marketing and positioning right - but these things aren't to be used as excuses for not getting yourself out there and just starting.  Telling people about your plans , sharing your excitement and making new connections is the best way to get your business off to a flying start - the other stuff will then fall into place so don't hide behind the fact that you don't have a webiste yet.

Don't waste a shed load of time, money and energy on all of this stuff when you are still figuring it all out.  Trust me once you start you will grow and evolve and so will your business.  Even business names change, so make it easy on yourself and don't feel immense pressure to get everything perfect - it doesn't exist and you will get yourself in a right tizz worrying about that!

Don't let the start stop you - you can do this and will realise that, just as soon as you decide to go for it!

Gx

**Gemma Stow works with female entrepreneurs who are introverts and are ready to take themselves and their business to the next level.  To find their fierce and take that all important action.  As well as private coaching, she runs a membership called Club Fierce that gives that personal touch to women who are looking for support, accountability and an environment that breeds self belief and results.  More info HERE. **

What to do when your fear of failure comes true?

The fear of failure is a big barrier for a lot of people.  

The big question of "What if?" that you play over and over in your head when you are about to do something in your business that requires courage and lady-balls of steel can often stop you before you start.

You don't start a business to watch your business fail.

The fear that it will all go horribly wrong and not be anything like what you want it to be, is a consequence that sometimes you cannot even begin to bare.  A consequence that is so worrying and terrifying that you convince yourself not to take that chance in the first place.

However, the fact that you have made the decision to work for yourself is a biggy anyway isn't it?  That in itself is brave, so it already shows you that you are ready to do this.

Maybe it's a new offer, programme, service or product that you want to put out there but you can't help wonder whether anyone will buy into it and into you for that matter.  What if the launch is a big flop?  What if I go for it and then make a fool out of myself?  What if other people see that I don't know what I am doing"  What if I get found out?  What if I don't get any sign ups to a group programme?.....that last one was mine.

I had run the group programme before.  Three times and I had filled spaces and the groups were super successful so I thought, why not, I will do it again.  I loved running the group coaching and was really excited to sign up new clients.

I had so many great testimonials from previous clients who really had life changing experiences working with me and doing the work on themselves.

So I put it out there - quietly confident that I would get some interest.

Nope.  Nothing.

I had talked about it so much - everyone wanted to know how many people I had signed up and I was slowly dying on the inside.  The self doubts creeping in.

Nobody thinks I am good enough anymore.

I have lost it.    It's gone and my dream business has gone with it.  No one wants to work with me anymore.  I started to hide.  Not be as visible.  Avoided talking abut it anywhere.

I felt like a complete failure because it had happened - the things that had scared me for so long and had stopped me from promoting what I had.  It had come true.  My launch was a big fat flop and I felt like a big fat failure.

I cried.  And then I cried some more.

Who I am to help other women be more visible, talk about what they do and promote and sell their products and services when I couldn't even do it myself.

Nope this was it.  The end.

But of course it wasn't.  I decided to speak with my coach about what had happened and instead of thinking that I had lost out we looked for the lessons.

Always look for the lessons.  You never ever fail.  You win or learn.

I know I needed to get back on it - to get back out there - but how could I?  I was obsessed with planning my next offer, my next launch, doing it better until my coach helped me see that I was too obsessesed with the 'planning' and I needed to start 'doing'.  

Getting back out there and being honest about the things I was going through really helped me build my confidence again.  

If you have been through something similar then why not try doing the opposite to what you think you 'should be doing.  Try something new.  Give yourself a chance at something different and watch the ideas and opportunities flow.

Don't be scared of failure.

Don't let it hold you back.  Embracing failure is the only way to success - they work together to ensure that you do.  Time to do it - get that offer, programme, product out there - stop letting the fear of it not working out hold you back - be curious and experiment and then  tweak it as you need to. 

Learn. Action. Fail.  Learn. Action. Fail. Success.

You've got this :)

**Gemma Stow works with female entrepreneurs who are introverts or want more confidence and are ready to take themselves and their business to the next level.  To find their fierce and take that all important action.  As well as private coaching, she runs a membership called Club Fierce that gives that personal touch to women who are looking for support, accountability and an environment that breeds self belief.  More info HERE.  Or join her FREE community The F Movement**

Do I need a coach to be successful in business?

This is such an interesting topic for discussion and yes you might think I may be a little biased considering the fact that I do class myself as a coach, mentor and all round arse kicker.

But I know that I had the exact same question when I was building my first business.  I worked relentlessly building a business from scratch for 7 years before I decided it was time to get some outside help.

The irony of that help was that six months later I closed my business.

I know what you are thinking - 'well there you go that didn't work did it' ...but actually it worked on so many levels that I still find it difficult to explain.

The business mentor that came and worked with me opened my eyes to what I really wanted.  For the first time I was having to think about it in detail.  I was so used to focusing all my energy on helping others, the clients, the young people, the staff , my family and friends that I realised that I never spent any time working on me.

I had so many breakthroughs about the things that had been holding me back.  It pains me in one way to think how different things could have been for my first business had I got this kind of support earlier.

The business mentor felt like he had failed me because I decided to close the business, but that was far from the truth.  He changed my life and opened up my eyes to what was actually possible for me.

So when I started this online business I run now there was no doubt in my mind that I needed the right support to make sure I made it happen.  The pressure was one.  I had returned to working full time for somebody else (not an easy thing to do after running your own company) and I knew that I had to build a business that, not only did I love, but also one that would make me money and give me the freedom that I craved for.  I knew I could do it but I also knew I needed someone outside my social circles and family that would push me.

I got to stalking different coaches online and found ones that would suit me and had also built what I wanted to build.  I found her.  And it changed everything.  I have since worked with five different coaches all providing me with different things I have needed for my business to grow.

So back to the question 'Do I need a coach to be successful in business?' the answer for me was YES.  To decide whether that is the same answer for you, consider these points?

• Are you good at keeping yourself focused or do you tend to drift off and procrastinate at any opportunity?
• Do you like to find excuses (whether real or not) to avoid doing the scary things you know will make all the difference?
• Do you excel with reporting back and sharing your achievements with others?
• Do you like to be challenged?
• Do you struggle to ask for help?
• Do you want to get to your goal faster?

If you answer YES to the above then I would urge you to consider hiring a coach or mentor.  For me hiring a coach changed everything.  It has definitely, and continues to, make me more successful in business and I don't think I will ever be without one as self development is too important to me not to invest in.

I have invested in the right people and sometimes ones that weren't right for me - but I would never see that as wasted money - more look to what I have learnt from that and work even harder to make it back.  And the right coach will help you do that ten times over.

If coaching is something that you are thinking about and you are at the stage where you are ready to start to make this all happen for you too then reach out to me.  I love to hear from ambitious women like you.  But most of all ....don't give up and get support if you need it - it will save you lots of time and heartache in the long term.

**Gemma Stow works with female entrepreneurs who are introverts or want more confidence and are ready to take themselves and their business to the next level.  To find their fierce and take that all important action.  As well as private coaching, she runs a membership called Club Fierce that gives that personal touch to women who are looking for support, accountability and an environment that breeds self belief.  More info HERE.  Or join her FREE community The F Movement **

Stop waiting for the confidence to come first....

We often wait to feel confident before we jump and do those things that really scare us – but the actual ‘jump’ is the one thing that gives us the confidence we are looking for.

‘You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it.  You have to go down the chute” (Tina Fey)

You ever had that feeling where you want something so badly but you keep telling yourself that you will do it when you feel more confident.  And the more you wait for that confidence to arrive, the more you hear little miss self doubt whispering in your ear.

‘You can’t do it”

“You are not good enough”

“Who are you to think you can do this”

“Everyone will laugh at you”

Yep there she is.  And the more she whispers the more you put it off until another day.  And that day doesn’t come.

How do you think that affects your confidence – do you think that makes you stronger?  More confident to do it next time?  Nope.

The only way to get more confidence is doing the thing that scares you. 

It is good to feel uncomfortable because it means we are growing and learning.  We are getting stronger when we survive the uncomfortable.  Our brains learn that the fear has subsided because nothing ‘bad’ happened to us when we jumped.

Our thoughts, feelings and behaviour are all connected – you can’t have one without the other, and most of the time it is easy to spot the feelings and behaviour, but not always the thoughts that go with it. 

These are the things that can stop us before we even start.  The negative way we talk to ourselves.   Can you hear your own thoughts?  What are you saying to yourself?

We can flip this and start to talk to ourselves in a more positive, empowering way, to push ourselves to take that step outside of our comfort zone and take the action we need.  When you start facing things in this way your confidence will grow.

If you are looking for tips and techniques on boosting your confidence and facing fears that hold you back, then come and hang out with me in my awesome private group called The F Movement.  This is no ordinary group.  I set Mini Challenges to help you find your fierce when it comes to promoting yourself and your business.  To being more visible even if you are an introvert by nature.  Expect to be inspired and supported by me and the other incredible women in there doing it all to take that action that you have been putting off taking.

Gx

**Gemma Stow works with female entrepreneurs who are introverts and are ready to take themselves and their business to the next level.  To find their fierce and take that all important action.  As well as private coaching, she runs a membership called Club Fierce that gives that personal touch to women who are looking for support, accountability and an environment that breeds self belief.  More info HERE. **

What stops you being visible online?

Being visible online can be scary.   But if you run your own business then it really can help to boost your know, like and trust factor with potential customers and therefore increase profits!

If you have been putting off getting yourself and your business out there then it is time to find your fierce and increase your visibility today!

It is pretty normal to feel scared.  Scared to put yourself out there online for your business to reach your customers.  I was scared too.

As we grow and learn there are always new parts of our lives that demand a different version of us and this can in itself bring more challenges and self doubts.

It was July 2015 that I posted my very first blog online.  I had no idea what I was doing.  But I did it anyway, and guess what.. I didn’t tell anyone.

It was online, yes - but it took me about 3 months to actually share it and then I hid behind another name.

I hid behind the name 'Fiercemum' and nobody, apart for my nearest and dearest knew about it - that was the start of something special - but only because I decided it would be.  

As a introvert this was a very difficult thing for me to do.  I like being behind the scenes and letting others take the limelight...but I knew that this time I had to do things differently.  I had to dig deep to find the confidence and strength to push those doubts I had about myself to one side, so I could step out of the shadows and help others to do the same - to be fierce in all areas of their lives. 

You know those doubts – ones like …

“I am not good enough”

“Who am I to think I can do this”

“What will others think of me”

“I don’t know enough and don’t have what it takes”

And it is not easy to silence those doubts – but with courage and paying attention to yourself and those thoughts, it can be done.

I have and it feels great.  I now have a great online business which means I can work from anywhere - which is all I have ever wanted; freedom and flexibility to do what I want, when I want, so that it suits my family and me.  And with my business means I get to work with ambitious women who also want the same thing too!  To make a difference and make money.

It all came from showing up.  From getting the 'ladyballs' to do what I believed in.  To be persistent even when I thought there was no point.  To get visible and show others what I stand for and what I can do to help them too.

I kept going. 

Because when you start the visibility dance you keep dancing and don’t stop.

Stopping means checking out what others are doing, or worrying about who is watching and not dancing with you, overthinking your own dance moves, instead of just enjoying your time on the dance floor and making YOUR dance up as you go.

Well you can have this too.

This is what I am all about - empowering women who work for themselves (or want to) to feel fierce about who they are and what they stand for and to have the confidence to go shout about it.  Not for them but for those people they want to reach.

So if this is what you want them connect with me over in my free group The F Movement for female entrepreneurs or book in a call with me today and let's chat about what you need that will make the difference between no one knowing about you and your business, to all those potential customers who want to get to know you better!

Just think how AWESOME it'll be when you can stop feeling overwhelmed, confused and hiding - to be super clear, confident and excited about taking that all important fierce action and being seen for who you really are!

No more hiding – much more dancing!

Gx

**Gemma Stow works with female entrepreneurs who are ready to take themselves and their business to the next level.  To find their fierce and take that all important action.  As well as private coaching, she runs a membership called Club Fierce that gives that personal touch to women who are looking for support, accountability and an environment that breeds self belief.  More info HERE. **

#Too many Ideas, not enough time

As entrepreneurs it is safe to say that we all have so many ideas that we want to do it all at once.  As soon as we think it, we want it done straight away.  But to get them all done takes focus.

We strive to be super focused - especially with our business because we know deep down that giving focus to what matters will be a massive positive to our success.  So why is it so hard to do.  Why do we always multi task instead and waste so much more time doing it?

Do you class yourself a as multi-tasker?  Are you constantly flipping from one thing you have to do, to the next, losing focus on the task you started?  If you stopped and checked yourself – how many things are you working on at once?

This was me.  Doing all the things, all of the time.   The quickest route to losing your mind.

I have learnt that it is not the way to go when it comes to getting daily stuff done in your business.

Yes there are lots of things to do and I can hear you saying to me right now ...."all well and good but my to do list is as long as your arm Gemma!"

The thing is when we have long to do lists and new and exciting ideas ALL of the time, then it gets too much.  Overwhelm creeps in.  I have found myself feeling a little of this lately and so have been taking my own advice.  I have got a lot to do and if I start to think about everything that needs doing, it then begins....that sinking feeling.....that f**k it I am not doing any of this anymore feeling......I know I need to take some time out and get my head back in order.

So I do just that.  Because I can recognise quite quickly when I am not getting anywhere fast.  Trying to do ALL the things.

If you don't learn to recognise this in yourself and the feelings that come up for you when overwhelm hits and your ideas are popping out of your brain, then you can get into a right old tizz.

This then leads onto you not achieving anything at all.  You start telling yourself you can't do it, that you don't have what it takes and that you should give up this business and passion and go get a "proper job".

Well remember, you have totally got this and just need to LISTEN and HEAR the signs when overwhelm is coming - because it does and will always hang around.  It has to I guess, because you will always have all those amazing ideas whizzing around your head and the overwhelm is YOU telling yourself to SLOW down and FOCUS on one thing at once.

So even if you are feeding your newborn with one arm, whilst making a coffee with the other, typing emails and writing your to do list (right that's four hands but you get the picture and that's what it can feel like!) then you can still make the decision to FOCUS on one thing at once for your business.

Ask yourself this "What do I need to do to get me closer to where I want to be?", or "What matters most to my business and me today?"  And then just commit to doing that one thing.  When you have smashed that move onto the next.

Now if you do this and notice that you aren't getting around to all the scary stuff you need to do, because you are focusing on the easy stuff - then that's another convo altogether - but I can guarantee that the scary stuff will get you to where you want to be much faster then the easy stuff.  How do I know?  Because it worked for me and still does!

So if you only remember one thing from this, remember this …
 

"Ditch multi tasking...FOCUS on one thing at once"

Just watch how much more empowered you feel by getting stuff done instead of beating yourself up for not achieving anything and having half arsed, not finished, tasks on your to do list!

You've got this and if you don't feel like you have, then get in touch and tell me about it.  I help women like you to get on top of your game.

Gemma x

Gemma loves nothing more than helping ambitious women to stop holding themselves back and build unstoppable businesses.  Come join Gemma and The F Movement to be inspired everyday and if you are on a mission to Find Your Fierce and get you and your biz out there then try out the FREE 5 day challenge to do just that!
 

#Reality Check

This is your reality check.

Yes the balance is tough.  Yes the struggle is real.  But then so are your dreams.  They are real and important to you.  Nothing ever worth having comes easy.  And yes it is hard to build a dream business following work that lights you up whilst also raising a family and this makes it even harder.

But stop making those excuses.  Stop using the fact that you are a mum, sister, daughter, wife, partner as the reason you aren’t following your dreams.  Stop blaming time or the lack of it as the excuse that you haven’t done everything you want to do. 

I am calling you out. 

Because you and I both know that this is a bullshit excuse for the FEAR that is really stopping you.  Maybe you haven’t realised where that fear is coming from and maybe you don’t even want to go there - but carrying on hiding behind the excuses of raising a family, having no time or money to do the things you really want to do has to stop.

I am an ambitious women and a mum, wife, sister, daughter, friend and coach and I know the reason why I do what I do and work hard on my business and my dreams – is so I can have the flexibility, freedom and choice to be where I want to be when I want to be there.  For my children, my husband, me family, my clients and for me.  That’s my why – what’s yours?  Get clear on your motivation and the real reason why you want something?

Do you find yourself saying “I wish I could do this or I wish I could do that?”  Well the reality is that we all do that – all the time – the difference is that some of us will go for it #noexcuses and others won’t.  Sometimes we win and sometimes we learn – both are awesome, but the one thing we don’t have is regrets.

When I fall I get back up.  I will do what it takes.  I am known for getting things done.

What are you known for?  What do you stand for?

Be you. 

There is no better time for you to show up and stand up for what you believe in.  It is your time to shine and be the awesome and successful woman you were born to be.

Go be fierce.  You’ve got this.

And if you want to be pushed to do this - then take my Fierce in 5 days challenge to get yourself out there with zero excuses!

G x