What is male allyship and how can companies do more?

From the conversations being had around the subject it is obvious that although not a new concept, male allyship is something that needs more attention. 

There are still plenty of issues regarding women’s career progression, the glass ceiling, the gender pay gap, and gender equity, but one thing is clear: they are not women’s issues to solve, they are everybody’s issues to solve.

There is a difference between saying you are a supporter of women’s career progression and then actually taking action to show your support. But if you do believe in equal opportunities then it’s your problem to solve and steps need to be taken. 

Luckily, you don't have to do it alone as the more people on board the equity train the better; and the easier it will be to find the solution. 

What is an allyship?

For those that like definitions, the Oxford dictionary states that, ‘to be an ally is to unite oneself with another to promote a common interest. In an alliance, both parties stand to benefit from the bond or connection they share.’ Which only reinforces that this isn't a women's only issue. 

It’s about working together to achieve gender equity in the workplace. For too long there have been ‘boy’s clubs’ that women aren't privy to and missed opportunities that women haven't had access to. Being discriminated against because they started a family, wanted to work more flexible hours, or have had some time away from work. 

Even working in a male dominated environment and feeling like they have to wear a mask to work or change who they really are. Simply so they don't get labelled aggressive, difficult, or emotional. Plus they have to work even harder to fit in or get a look in for that next promotion.

Although the tables are turning, they still haven't done a 360, so there is still a lot of work to do. One of the ways to combat stereotypes, bias and derogatory behaviour is through education and awareness… which is where male allyship comes in.

Discrimination still exists

There are men out there who are already very supportive of their female colleagues, men who think they are supportive, and men who want to be more supportive. 

There are also men who don’t get it. They have convinced themselves that they don't need to as someone else will do that (usually women), and there are men who don’t want to. Their sexist beliefs are so ingrained that they wouldn't even condone any type of work around gender equity. Now they might be good at talking the talk and ticking the right boxes but deep down they just don't believe that women can do, be, or have the same things as men.

What can you do?

If you are faced with male colleagues, maybe more senior to you, that are not onboard with male allyship or supporting women’s career progression, don't give up. This is the time to think about things differently. 

People sometimes need to hear things on repeat and in different ways for it to sink in. This won’t work for everyone but if a collective of voices are singing the same tune, then that song is even louder and pretty much impossible not to hear. 

Collaboration. Find those allies that want to learn the words and sing with you. 

Where do we start?

It’s about awareness. Not everyone knows what they need to do or say to be better allies, so education is key. 

Creating a safe space to explore beliefs, expectations, unconscious bias, and sometimes very conscious biases that are out there is fundamental. As for real change to happen, pointing the finger of blame doesn't work. It makes people defensive and then nothing changes, or things can even get worse than they already are.

The four types of ally

Allyship and education is such a powerful way to combat all of this.  

There are 4 different types of allyship and by understanding them it’s easier for companies and their people to be better allies and support others to do the same:

Interpersonal: relationships with women.

This is the usual and most common. Where men are line managing women, or women are line managing men at work, this relationship between colleagues and peers is a great way to start an allyship journey. They make it easier to ask questions, listen to experiences, and provide support in that context.

Public: when you become a Proactive ally.

You are still supportive and listening to your female colleagues, but you also start to challenge things when you see it happening. You are aware that you are a role model for others and that this can make a huge difference in how women are treated and how men behave in the workplace.

Systemic: when you become an Advocate for organisational change.

You know that in order to create real long-lasting change for all women, it starts with changing cultures and shifting organisational practices, policies, and procedures. You start to analyse them and fight for changes across the company and beyond.

Performative: when you are being an ally to look good and tick that box. 

Going on the allyship and unconscious bias training or even ‘banter’ training (yes, there is such a thing) to show that you are someone who supports women, but after the training has finished you don't spend another minute thinking about it and you’re back to business as usual. 

This is the type of allyship that shouldn't even be classed allyship.

Are you an ally?

Have a think about the allies that you know or work with - where do they fall? Maybe they are ready to do more and move into a new allyship role to make a bigger impact and difference at work?

And where are you? 

Being a woman doesn't automatically make you an ally, far from it. There are women who aren’t using their own positions and power to support their female colleagues when it comes to career progression - in fact, there are women who are actually hindering their female colleagues.

However and wherever you fit you can always play a part: by paying attention. Everyone can pay attention and notice what is happening. You never know you might just save someone's career or support them to achieve their full potential.

The big picture

This can’t all be put on individuals to do by themselves. Companies need to promote all of these types of allyship because everyone is different and at different stages of their journey.

What is important to note though is what Johnson and Smith (2018) found that the evidence shows that when men are engaged in gender inclusion initiatives, 96% of organisations see progress — compared to only 30% of organisations where men are not engaged.

This is not about fixing women. It’s about fixing the systems that create barriers for their progression.

Don’t fix women, fix systems

Here are some things companies can start to think about: 

• Recognise female talent early on

• Offer mentoring/sponsorship for ambitious women

• Promote women when they are not in the room

• Share networks with them / make introductions

• Ask for their opinions / ideas and then listen - to hear and not to fix!

• Get to know them as individuals and their own barriers

• Break the ‘norms’ e.g. ask men to take minutes

And who better to ask what more allies could be doing to support women than women themselves. Here’s the top 3 answers they gave:

• Listening to understand the challenges and barriers women face in the workplace and how this impacts their progression and development

• Offering mentorship for the women in your workplace to guide and support them into senior positions. Share networks and make those important introductions.

• Being inclusive especially when it comes to career progression opportunities, such as re-looking at job specs and criteria and more flexibility with part time and full-time roles especially in more senior and leadership positions.

 Join the conversation

Although there is still work to do to get greater gender equity, there is always a place where you can get involved at a level that suits you. 

Male allyship is all about standing by each other to make sure that everyone thrives.

If you know that your workplace would benefit from extra support for male allies to be educated to grow and support women's career progression even further, then get in touch about the Stand By Me Workshops.

** Gemma is a self-promotion expert and specialises in working with organisations to identify, develop and retain their female talent and encourage senior level progression to close the gender gap. This is through coaching, consultation, training sessions and workshops. She understands the importance of visibility when it comes to women’s career progression and helps ambitious women find their confidence to own and showcase their expertise.  Host of the ‘No More Hiding: Self Promotion at Work’ podcast - click here to listen.

Message her directly to find out more or book a call here. Download your copy of her white paper ‘Visibility At Work: The Importance of Self Promotion for Women's Career Progression here’. **

NB - When we refer to the terms men/women we are including all non-binary, trans and any marginalised genders

You don't need to be extroverted to be successful or happier

Articles and opinions telling me how I should be more extroverted to be successful in business frustrate me.

There are so many and even the ones that are supposed to be championing us introverts are still using the same old descriptors, shy, quiet, anti social……for the love of god please hear me when I say - Introverts are phenomenal, can be loud, ambitious, strong and love meeting people. Ok so we might have to hibernate for a day or two after doing all that but that doesn’t mean we don’t want to! I am not quiet but I LOVE quiet.

Introverts are amazing business owners and amazing people!

Research seems to be finally figuring it out that we don’t have to be more extroverted to be happier - come on, you really think that’s news to us? Why would we to change who we are. Of course we want to learn new ways of doing things, but that doesn’t mean we want to be more extroverted. We like being who we are. I love that I can spend time alone and come up wth ideas and the answers to things I have been overthinking for days. I love that feeling after I have actually been to a networking event when I get home and kick off my shoes, put my pjs on and feel proud to have met some new interesting people and told them about what I am up to. I love challenging myself to do the things I think I can’t only to realise I can actually do them and if I can do this then nothing is out of my reach.

Please don’t let your introversion stop you doing anything if you want it that much. If you don’t and you are happy to chill out at home and stay in your comfort zone then that’s fine too. It’s all about what YOU want that matters and that might mean stepping up and out of that comfort zone!

Asking or expecting somebody to change what is fundamental about them like their personality, is never going to make anyone happier.

Now I am the biggest believe in change. I was a Probation officer for years and also worked with some very vulnerable and challenging young people so I know that believing in change is part of who I am. It is possible for everyone. But this is about change that is welcomed or craved. Saying things like ‘introverts will be more happier if they are more extroverted’ is like the craziest thing I have heard. I am happiest to be me. Yes I am happy to push and challenge myself because that’s part of my personality too! It has nothing to do with me being an introvert. Introversion is about energy and I get my energy from being alone it’s as simple as that.

There is a massive difference between changing WHO you are and challenging yourself to do things you THINK you can't. The things you actually WANT to do.

Introverts are great leaders.

Now someone recently said to me “No we are looking for strong dynamic and entrepreneurial types - not introverts!”. Oh really. Well check out some of the great leaders in the world to realise that this belief is just nonsense and so outdated. I consider myself to be all of these things and I bet you do too.

Working for yourself, building your own business and being ambitious will mean (regardless of personality) that you will have to push yourself to do things you haven't done before. If it were easy everyone would be doing it. But not everyone will or can be a leader and that is something you have to decide for yourself - are you ready to lead or follow?

It's not easy but it can be so worthwhile and not just have a massive impact on your business, but also massively boost your own confidence too. For instance I have supported women to step up and tell more people about how great they are at what they do and what they stand for, despite them feeling 'cringey', because we worked together to find a way that felt GOOD to them. You don’t have to do it the way ‘extroverts’ have done business over the years.

You have the chance to carve out your own path. Do that.

**Gemma Stow works with female leaders who are introverts and are ready to take themselves and their business to the next level.  To find what is getting in the way of putting themselves forward and creates a space for them to explore who they really are and who they want to become.  As well as high level private coaching, she runs Introverts Talk Biz events where women come together to share ideas, struggles and make plans. More info on the next one HERE. Or book in a chat with Gemma if you are looking to increase your confidence so that you can do the things you keep telling yourself you can’t do **

Why you and your business are missing out by avoiding networking events!

It is true – there is nothing that really compares to a live event. 

I have found this especially in business.  The powerful connections and life changing experiences have all started with events.  Getting to know others, being around likeminded people, having an understanding and similar purpose.

I hated events. 

Because it has not always been like that for me.  I hated events.  I hated networking events even more.

Why?  When we all know that building ‘know, like and trust’ is crucial to any business and by meeting people face to face can really speed up this process. 

Well I am a proud introvert and small talk and mingling with strangers and having to stand up and talk in front of them all within a specific time frame quite frankly does not float my boat.

So I used to avoid them – send my team to them – tell them it was for their own good to enhance their professional development and all that good stuff – when really I was hiding behind the fact that I couldn’t think of anything worse than attending these business events where you had to sell yourself – I mean that stuff is made for extroverts and egos right?

I bet I can give you five reasons why you avoid networking?

1.  Because you have to talk to strangers and make a good impression and introduce your business (and you still haven’t really got clear as clear can be on what it is you really do yet?)

2. Because it will mean taking time out of the day / evening that you could be spending working on the business (and let’s face it that’s the bit you love, that’s where the passion is at right?)

3.  You end up sat on your own (which you quite like) and smiling sheepishly at all those other delegates that have got it together and schmoozing the room like they own the god damn place looking at you with sympathetic feel sorry for you eyes.

4.  Why the hell would you pay for all of the above!

5.  You walk away without any new connections (because you only spoke to Michelle who you met last time because she works behind the bar), a goody bag full of business cards (your own included) and no further on with the results you are aiming for in your business.  No ROI (return on investment at all).

I understand I really do and don’t feel bad because we all feel like this at some point or another. 

 

Find events that are YOUR kind of events.

The trick is to find events that are your kind of events with your kind of people and this may involve attending a lot of 'frogs' to find the 'prince' of events that will give you new connections, access to new networks, referrals and recommendation opportunities.  

And that’s not because you spent the entire time selling yourself and being pushy – nope.  It is because you felt comfortable in the space to be able to help and support others in their business.  To give, not take.  That is the most important thing to remember.

 

You can be an introvert and actually get the most from business events.

You don't have to be the loudest in the room to be heard and you definitely don't have to be all about the sales to be remembered for who you are.  You have all you need already.  Listen to others, really listen and find people you are really interested in.  And ask them about their business.  And don't dread the "what do you do?" questions - go with it - someone else you get to show how passionate you are about what you do and why you do it!

 

I love nothing more than making real connections.

Well it is funny how times have changed, from hating such events, to now hosting my own. I also invest a lot in attending other's events too - ones that I know will be full of my kind of people and they always pay off.

Mine are not ordinary traditional events, but the type that are perfect for introverts like you to make real connections.  To get the most out of the investment you are putting into going in the first place – after all pjs and Netflix or a glass of vino with a good friend is also very appealing.

But networking (which in basic terms only really means interact with others to exchange information and develop professional or social contacts) is the cornerstone of business. 

It is so important in so many ways.  Not only for getting new customers and putting your business on the map, but also for your own support and developing relationships with people who get it and understand how tough it can be to work for yourself.

So if you are now a little convinced that actually venturing outside and attending an event or two might be something that you should think about to grow your business and your confidence then grab my free guide to get you started on the right path.   It has 5 simple steps to prepare you for your networking fun, will build your confidence and give you purpose.  Let me know how you get on!

Maybe my monthly event "Introverts Talk Biz" could be the perfect place to start - more info on the next event is here.   Time to get yourself out there and give your business the chance it deserves!

**Gemma Stow works with female entrepreneurs who are introverts and are ready to take themselves and their business to the next level.  To find their fierce and take that all important action.  As well as private coaching, she runs monthly events where Introverts Talk Business and a membership called Club Fierce that gives that personal touch to women who are looking for support, accountability and an environment that breeds self belief and results.  More info HERE. **

But introverts don't do business do they?

This was actually said to me today whilst I was chatting to somebody about being featured in the Yorkshire Post about my new face to face events for female introverts in business. 

"But introverts don't do business do they, aren't they too quiet?"

Wow.  I was pretty stunned as this came from a business owner I respect, but who obviously didn't have a clue about what introversion even means.  The next comment was indeed "so can men be introverted?'.  Oh dear.

It feels like there is a long way to go to educate people on what introversion actually is all about.  

The day before I was told that introverts are the worst listeners because they are too busy listening to themselves.  WTF.  Listening is my superpower and is what makes me a great coach to hear others on a different level, and not only hear the words, but also hear what lies beneath them as well.  It takes the concept of listening to another level.

But as I push forward on my mission to prove female introverts need to stop hiding because they have more than enough to be amazing at making real differences to others lives, I will definitely be up against more misconceptions for sure!  I mean I get told time and time again that I can't be an introvert because of my presence on social media.  Say what?

 

So I wanted to start by saying that introverts do business and do it really well. 

And if you still need convincing you only need to look at the likes of Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk, Warren Buffett and what about the ladies... Rosa Parks, JK Rowling, Emma Watson and Marissa Mayer.

It is also important to understand why you should get to know your own personality traits and how empowering that can be.  Lots of people tell me not to label as they are not useful.  I have spent most of my career trying my best not to label others and put them into boxes - however something happens when your own level of self awareness increases - you get your power back.

You start to recognise your strengths and skills that you just took for granted because you've always had them, they are a part of you. 

And actually these should be explored, developed and celebrated.  

 

I am not naive to think there isn't a darker side. 

Getting to know yourself means you could fall into the trap of using your introverted personality as an excuse not to do all the things that feel uncomfortable to you or zap all of your energy.  When actually to build your business you need to consider how you will make it work for you.  After all business is about identifying the things you think you can't and doing them anyway.

I know this from first hand experience of pushing my team to do the things I didn't want to do.  Things like selling, presenting, networking, making new connections, making phone calls, pitching, promoting and all that stuff, you get the picture. 

 

But I learnt quite quickly that nobody can sell my business like I can. 

I have the passion and that can't be replicated.  And you can't be either.

For too long business has been focused on the more extrovert personalities - and we have all been led to believe that this is what makes a business successful and that we have to be more 'extroverted' to win.  So much so, that it often puts off introverts from starting a business in the first place.

 

These are outdated, misleading conclusions derived from personality tests produced decades ago. 

I have experienced that the opposite is quite often more of a truer picture.  That introverts can use their super powers to be amazing at selling, presenting and promoting themselves and their business.  To avoid the fluffy crap that is often associated with pushy or cheesy sales, or drawn out boring presentations, and actually make real business connections in networking that will go somewhere.

So the next time you hear that introverts are too quiet or shy to be good at business, or even if you are telling yourself that - please remind them (and you) that in your face, intense energy, loud voices, small talk and big ego's don't always win the race. 

You have all you need to start and that's the most important part.

 

Never underestimate the power of an introvert's silence. 

It doesn't indicate nothing is happening.  It indicates everything is happening. 

And you can't even see it, yet.

**Gemma Stow works with female entrepreneurs who are introverts and are ready to take themselves and their business to the next level.  To find their fierce and take that all important action.  As well as private coaching, she runs a membership called Club Fierce that gives that personal touch to women who are looking for support, accountability and an environment that breeds self belief and results.  More info HERE. **

Should I start my own business?

It is probably one of the biggest questions you could ask yourself  'Should I start my own business?' because it truly can be life changing.

You start to have that type of niggiling feeling.  Seeing others you know who are taking the leap to quit their jobs and start to work for themselves.  From what you know and have heard it is hard work but in return you get freedom and flexibility to work when and where you want.  To decide your own working hours. 

But on the other side, the dark side, you have been told that it takes over your life.  That to have any kind of success you have to live and breathe your business, you have to sacrifice the things you love the most such as time with your family and work double the amount of hours you would in your full time employment.

And there's the perks you leave behind - the paid holidays, sick days, guaranteed salary, stability and financial security.

Now this last part really gets me going.  That as business owners we are not seen to have a secure income, yet if you work for someone else you are.  That person you work for also needs to make sure they pay your wages and their own.  So actually having more control over what you can potentially earn, seems to me to be more secure than working for someone else when you think about it?

But how do you know if it's the right time to start a business?

The first thing to do is to find out what you are really passionate about, because without passion it is really hard to keep your motivation high on those days when it can be really tough.

The four questions you can ask yourself are:

• "Why do I want to work for myself?".  Explore your values around this and what is your key driving force?  Family, flexibility, potential to earn more income, freedom to work in different places, make a difference and an impact on others..... what is your driver?

• "What am I really passionate about?".  What are the things you could talk all night about and not get bored (you might bore others but who cares because you love it).

• "What are my strengths, skills and experience that I can bring to a business?".  Think about what work you have done really well before.  What do you love about work and how can your skills help you with a business opportunity?

• "What problem can I help to solve?".  What problem can you see in the area that you are passionate about, a gap in the market, or feel you can do something way better than it's being done now - explore that further.

When you have answers to these four things then you know you are on your way to creating something amazing.  This is when the "What if's" will kick in and that fear of failure.  What if it all goes wrong, what if is a complete flop and I don't have what it takes.

Having confidence and self belief is the cornerstone to a successful business. 

Yes it's important to get your branding, marketing and positioning right - but these things aren't to be used as excuses for not getting yourself out there and just starting.  Telling people about your plans , sharing your excitement and making new connections is the best way to get your business off to a flying start - the other stuff will then fall into place so don't hide behind the fact that you don't have a webiste yet.

Don't waste a shed load of time, money and energy on all of this stuff when you are still figuring it all out.  Trust me once you start you will grow and evolve and so will your business.  Even business names change, so make it easy on yourself and don't feel immense pressure to get everything perfect - it doesn't exist and you will get yourself in a right tizz worrying about that!

Don't let the start stop you - you can do this and will realise that, just as soon as you decide to go for it!

Gx

**Gemma Stow works with female entrepreneurs who are introverts and are ready to take themselves and their business to the next level.  To find their fierce and take that all important action.  As well as private coaching, she runs a membership called Club Fierce that gives that personal touch to women who are looking for support, accountability and an environment that breeds self belief and results.  More info HERE. **

What stops you being visible online?

Being visible online can be scary.   But if you run your own business then it really can help to boost your know, like and trust factor with potential customers and therefore increase profits!

If you have been putting off getting yourself and your business out there then it is time to find your fierce and increase your visibility today!

It is pretty normal to feel scared.  Scared to put yourself out there online for your business to reach your customers.  I was scared too.

As we grow and learn there are always new parts of our lives that demand a different version of us and this can in itself bring more challenges and self doubts.

It was July 2015 that I posted my very first blog online.  I had no idea what I was doing.  But I did it anyway, and guess what.. I didn’t tell anyone.

It was online, yes - but it took me about 3 months to actually share it and then I hid behind another name.

I hid behind the name 'Fiercemum' and nobody, apart for my nearest and dearest knew about it - that was the start of something special - but only because I decided it would be.  

As a introvert this was a very difficult thing for me to do.  I like being behind the scenes and letting others take the limelight...but I knew that this time I had to do things differently.  I had to dig deep to find the confidence and strength to push those doubts I had about myself to one side, so I could step out of the shadows and help others to do the same - to be fierce in all areas of their lives. 

You know those doubts – ones like …

“I am not good enough”

“Who am I to think I can do this”

“What will others think of me”

“I don’t know enough and don’t have what it takes”

And it is not easy to silence those doubts – but with courage and paying attention to yourself and those thoughts, it can be done.

I have and it feels great.  I now have a great online business which means I can work from anywhere - which is all I have ever wanted; freedom and flexibility to do what I want, when I want, so that it suits my family and me.  And with my business means I get to work with ambitious women who also want the same thing too!  To make a difference and make money.

It all came from showing up.  From getting the 'ladyballs' to do what I believed in.  To be persistent even when I thought there was no point.  To get visible and show others what I stand for and what I can do to help them too.

I kept going. 

Because when you start the visibility dance you keep dancing and don’t stop.

Stopping means checking out what others are doing, or worrying about who is watching and not dancing with you, overthinking your own dance moves, instead of just enjoying your time on the dance floor and making YOUR dance up as you go.

Well you can have this too.

This is what I am all about - empowering women who work for themselves (or want to) to feel fierce about who they are and what they stand for and to have the confidence to go shout about it.  Not for them but for those people they want to reach.

So if this is what you want them connect with me over in my free group The F Movement for female entrepreneurs or book in a call with me today and let's chat about what you need that will make the difference between no one knowing about you and your business, to all those potential customers who want to get to know you better!

Just think how AWESOME it'll be when you can stop feeling overwhelmed, confused and hiding - to be super clear, confident and excited about taking that all important fierce action and being seen for who you really are!

No more hiding – much more dancing!

Gx

**Gemma Stow works with female entrepreneurs who are ready to take themselves and their business to the next level.  To find their fierce and take that all important action.  As well as private coaching, she runs a membership called Club Fierce that gives that personal touch to women who are looking for support, accountability and an environment that breeds self belief.  More info HERE. **

#Stop Comparing Yours to Theirs.

Comparison is the thief of joy.  That's what they say - what do you think?

I can really understand this statement and it can be very overwhelming when you start to compare yourself to others and the impact that this can have on how you truly feel about yourself.

I did a #FierceTalk was on this very subject - if you missed it check it out.

Comparing where you are right now with someone else in a negative way is not good for you.  Especially when you use it to find faults with yourself.

The problem is that you don't recognise your own strengths and beauty as you are far too busy comparing yourself to others.

You start to feel undeserving, inadequate and inexperienced.  Who am I to do this? I don't have what she has? I am not good enough who will listen to me?

Do you find you do this?  We all do it at times and it can be detrimental to our self esteem.  If this becomes a habit then we start to lose confidence in our own abilities and the pressure and overwhelm creeps in and we stop moving forwards - we give up, we think what's the point?

Social media has only served to increase these feelings if we allow it to.  Do you know what I mean? Watching someone else's movie reel and all their highlights about what they are up to!  The thing to remember is that it is only their highlights - not everyone would have the lady balls to show up and show off their down days - those moments where everything has gone to shit.  It isn't easy sharing this with the world because of the fear of being judged - what will they think of me if I do show up and I haven't got my shit together?

Constant comparing of this nature will not end well.

Constantly comparing yourself to others in a negative way can lead to depression and anxiety because you ultimately tell yourself you have a shit life because it is not like those other people's lives you see on your phone.  Now there is a sentence I wouldn't have thought I would write - but it is so true.  We have all been there and I know you have too.

Well it is time to stop.  

You have an incredible life and can use it to inspire others.

Firstly you cannot compare your chapter 1 to somebody else's chapter 20.  It just doesn't work like that.  Of course there will be differences, of course they will have experienced more things, and you will too as you create more chapters in your life.  

Secondly, at least you have a chapter 1 right?  There will be others comparing themselves to you too - only thinking about starting to follow their dreams, but are too scared to show up yet.  They don't even have a chapter and will look to you and be amazed by how you did it.

I was watching my 8 year old daughter in her dance class last night.  I love seeing her dance and the passion she has.  She shows determination and commitment and never misses a class.  

She does get concerned about how far the other girls have got and how they can do this move and that move and she can't.  But what was interesting last night was that another little girl was asked to do the finale move - an amazing cartwheel without hands - which she was brilliant at but only on soft mats.  

The tutor wanted her to practice it on the hard floor ready for the real competition.  Se was scared to do it.  She cried.  Her dance class buddies were all staring at her, and then out of nowhere, they started clapping - it gives me goosebumps to relive it to be honest.  

It was amazing to watch.  Her girls had her back.  She knew it.  And she bloody did it.  And yes all the girls were probably thinking they wish they could do that move (I know my daughter was) but they didn't sit there feeling negative towards their team mate - they encouraged her to be the best version of herself, to push her out of that comfort zone, to do the thing she really wanted to do, because that is what is needed in these times where we think we can't go on.  

We need encouragement.  Which by definition is the action of giving someone support, confidence and hope.

And all those other girls who did the encouraging will feel a sense of satisfaction knowing that when their time comes they will have a huge team of other girls who will encourage them to do the same.  It's bloody inspirational and it is what I am all about.

Watching that unravel last night brought me to tears because it kinda sums up everything I stand for.  
 

Women having each other's back.  

So yes you may feel that someone is better than you and maybe they are further on their journey - but remember they were once where you are right now, and there are others who are only dreaming of being where you are.  

It is time to stop the negative comparison BS.

And instead start using comparison to your advantage.  Truly believe that if she can do it then it is possible for you too.  

Don't forget that.  

If someone is paving the way for you then this is a great thing, as it means that you can run along that path knowing full well what will be at the end of it.
 

Her success is definitely not your failure - it is only your beginning.

FM x

If you have not yet joined our amazing group of Fiercemums then come on over. 

And if you are ready to figure out what you really want and to discover that passion you can turn into work you love then grab my free gift here.

#No Excuses

Did you catch my Facebook live on this?  

I had been doing some reflection and thinking about the things I hear from women I speak to both in my business and friends and family.  A common theme is that we don't have the time to do what we really want to do because we are too busy raising a family.  Does this sound familiar ?

It is true - the struggle is real and the balancing act is tough - working and raising your family can feel relentless at times - but it can also feel exhilarating.

Don't get me wrong I have those days too where it all feels like too much and I wonder what the flip am I trying to do here - but then I remember the real deep down reasons of what I do it for and it all makes sense again.

If you are doing work you love then this comes easier than if you are in work that does not light you up anymore.  And the thing is - we are women - and once we have decided that we don't like something the way it is we can't stop thinking about it.  If this is in a negative way then it can be all consuming and can lead to you feeling down and depressed.  

I am on a mission for ambitious women who love to work, to be doing the thing that lights them up.  After all if we are trading time away from our little ones then it surely has to be what we love to do?

How are you feeling about work?  If it isn't floating your boat anymore and there is something you would prefer to be doing then now is the time to do something about it #noexcuses.  

Maybe you know you need to step out of your comfort zone to be able to achieve the thing you want to achieve - but instead you are finding any excuse not too?

Yeah the best excuse is not having enough time because you are a working mum.  I know sounds harsh but is it the truth?

Time to get honest with yourself - is that the real reason or is there something else - maybe something around worrying about what others will think about you for stepping up and putting yourself out there? Maybe focusing all your time and attention on your family has totally knocked your confidence? Or just maybe you don't think anyone will care or listen to you because you are not good enough or you need something on paper to say you can do it before you start?  

BS. 

Listen, whatever your big idea, whatever your service, skills, expertise or products you have that you want to share with the world, whatever problem you can solve for others - how the hell is anyone going to come get it if you don't put yourself out there consistently?  There are others needing you right now and they can't find you because you say you don't have the time to do more.

BS.

I say that if you want something enough then you will find the time.  If there is something else getting in your way - then dig deep, figure it out and push past it.

You've got this  - now go bloody do it.

#noexcuses

FM
x

If you have not yet joined our amazing group of Fiercemums then come on over. 

And if you are ready to figure out what you really want and to discover that passion you can turn into work you love then grab my free gift here.

#Find the Confidence.

So do you consider yourself to be a confident person ...depends on what you are doing?  Yeah me too.
 

We are all confident in some things and less so in others.  It is only natural.  The key is to figure out what you don't feel as confident in and face that fear.

This is a big deal for us mums as having babies and starting a family can sometimes knock your confidence.  Spending so much time being obsessed with everything baby while you are pregnant and then obsessed with everything new mum and baby after your little bundle of joy arrives is a whole life change to adjust too.  Having time off from your normal work and social circles can really take its toll on your self confidence.  

For me it was such a shock and a massive learning curve becoming a mum that I doubted myself straight away.  I didn't think I was cut out to be a 'good enough' mum and I know this can happen to so many like minded professional women who are so used to being control of their own lives, and then your little bundle of joy throws all that out of the window.  It can be a scary time.  The unknown.  But then that is true for most things we are unsure about.

If you haven't done something before then your primal brain starts telling you to be fearful and on alert as this could hurt you.  

You decide to fight, flight or freeze.  If you decide to fight and do it anyway and don't get hurt, your brain gets the message that 'ok I didn't die so maybe this isn't as dangerous or scary as I first thought' - the more you do it, the more you grow in confidence.

Taking action is the best way to reduce your fear.

Are there times that you can think of << Test First Name >> where you have felt like this or experienced something similar?  I have lots.  And I know the women I work with are often trapped by fears that they don't even know exist.  I was for years until I decided to figure myself out.

I have been live on my Facebook Business page every evening to share a tip to give yourself that boost of confidence when you need it.  If you have missed them go take a look and let me know what you think.  

I would love you to share any thoughts or experiences on growing our confidence in our amazing group of supportive ambitious mums.

Remember - If you can dream it then you can do it.  Anything is possible.

You've totally got this.

Love FM
x

#Doing things Differently

It is shocking news to wake up to this morning in the world.  

When I feel like this I turn to gratitude and look to how people can make a difference if they follow their own hearts and dig deep and respect each other.    But maybe we need to do things differently.

Sometimes we can feel that we have no control over our own lives.  That things are already decided for us and that we just have to go along with it.  But this is not the case.  You do get to decide what you want.  You do get to decide how you want to feel.  And you do get to choose.

When I see things that make me sad or even angry and frustrated - I reflect.

I reflect on what feelings this stirs inside me.  And reflect why this is.  It is usually because I care.  I care about others.  One of my favourites quotes is 'Be the change you wish to see in the World'.  This resonates with me so much and has been a driving force behind the decisions I have made in my career.  

I have always wanted to empower others to be the person they can be.  To unlock all of their potential.  Potential they sometimes think isn't there.  I have also worked hard to unlock my own potential.  Potential I maybe didn't realise I had and sometimes still don't.  But to do this we must do things differently.

A few weeks ago I watched my 3 year old son in his swimming class.  At the end they were singing and playing a game doing the hockey cokey.  You had to grab a floating toy and then the kids should have thrown it back into the middle on each verse and then grab a different one.  

It was so interesting as all of the other children grabbed a toy and held onto it throughout the whole song.  Not letting go to that one toy.  My son threw his toy back in every time.  He went for a different one.  Watching all the children made me realise that my son seemed to be having the most fun.  Grabbing a new toy then throwing it back in, sometimes getting a new one and sometimes missing out.  So striving harder and reaching further the next time.  But he was laughing the whole time.  I felt proud.

It made me reflect on how life can be similar.

Do you hang onto what you have in life because you feel secure in the fact that you at least have something, and don't let go for fear of not getting anything better.  Or do you keep trying different things, taking risks and opportunities to feel different and enjoy the game.

Sometimes change feels scary and unnecessary - but most of the time change is good.  It gives us all a chance to do things differently.

Dig deep today and look around at the amazing beautiful people in this world that shine love and respect for each other.  You are one of them.  

Shine bright and do things differently.

Stay strong.  Stay fierce.

You've got this

FM x
 

Come on over and connect with us in the fiercemums private group and over on Instagram

We are celebrating having an attitude for gratitude today (it is our theme over in the Fiercemums group on a Wednesday) - so be sure to come over there and find some positive energy and share yours with us.

x