What is male allyship and how can companies do more?

From the conversations being had around the subject it is obvious that although not a new concept, male allyship is something that needs more attention. 

There are still plenty of issues regarding women’s career progression, the glass ceiling, the gender pay gap, and gender equity, but one thing is clear: they are not women’s issues to solve, they are everybody’s issues to solve.

There is a difference between saying you are a supporter of women’s career progression and then actually taking action to show your support. But if you do believe in equal opportunities then it’s your problem to solve and steps need to be taken. 

Luckily, you don't have to do it alone as the more people on board the equity train the better; and the easier it will be to find the solution. 

What is an allyship?

For those that like definitions, the Oxford dictionary states that, ‘to be an ally is to unite oneself with another to promote a common interest. In an alliance, both parties stand to benefit from the bond or connection they share.’ Which only reinforces that this isn't a women's only issue. 

It’s about working together to achieve gender equity in the workplace. For too long there have been ‘boy’s clubs’ that women aren't privy to and missed opportunities that women haven't had access to. Being discriminated against because they started a family, wanted to work more flexible hours, or have had some time away from work. 

Even working in a male dominated environment and feeling like they have to wear a mask to work or change who they really are. Simply so they don't get labelled aggressive, difficult, or emotional. Plus they have to work even harder to fit in or get a look in for that next promotion.

Although the tables are turning, they still haven't done a 360, so there is still a lot of work to do. One of the ways to combat stereotypes, bias and derogatory behaviour is through education and awareness… which is where male allyship comes in.

Discrimination still exists

There are men out there who are already very supportive of their female colleagues, men who think they are supportive, and men who want to be more supportive. 

There are also men who don’t get it. They have convinced themselves that they don't need to as someone else will do that (usually women), and there are men who don’t want to. Their sexist beliefs are so ingrained that they wouldn't even condone any type of work around gender equity. Now they might be good at talking the talk and ticking the right boxes but deep down they just don't believe that women can do, be, or have the same things as men.

What can you do?

If you are faced with male colleagues, maybe more senior to you, that are not onboard with male allyship or supporting women’s career progression, don't give up. This is the time to think about things differently. 

People sometimes need to hear things on repeat and in different ways for it to sink in. This won’t work for everyone but if a collective of voices are singing the same tune, then that song is even louder and pretty much impossible not to hear. 

Collaboration. Find those allies that want to learn the words and sing with you. 

Where do we start?

It’s about awareness. Not everyone knows what they need to do or say to be better allies, so education is key. 

Creating a safe space to explore beliefs, expectations, unconscious bias, and sometimes very conscious biases that are out there is fundamental. As for real change to happen, pointing the finger of blame doesn't work. It makes people defensive and then nothing changes, or things can even get worse than they already are.

The four types of ally

Allyship and education is such a powerful way to combat all of this.  

There are 4 different types of allyship and by understanding them it’s easier for companies and their people to be better allies and support others to do the same:

Interpersonal: relationships with women.

This is the usual and most common. Where men are line managing women, or women are line managing men at work, this relationship between colleagues and peers is a great way to start an allyship journey. They make it easier to ask questions, listen to experiences, and provide support in that context.

Public: when you become a Proactive ally.

You are still supportive and listening to your female colleagues, but you also start to challenge things when you see it happening. You are aware that you are a role model for others and that this can make a huge difference in how women are treated and how men behave in the workplace.

Systemic: when you become an Advocate for organisational change.

You know that in order to create real long-lasting change for all women, it starts with changing cultures and shifting organisational practices, policies, and procedures. You start to analyse them and fight for changes across the company and beyond.

Performative: when you are being an ally to look good and tick that box. 

Going on the allyship and unconscious bias training or even ‘banter’ training (yes, there is such a thing) to show that you are someone who supports women, but after the training has finished you don't spend another minute thinking about it and you’re back to business as usual. 

This is the type of allyship that shouldn't even be classed allyship.

Are you an ally?

Have a think about the allies that you know or work with - where do they fall? Maybe they are ready to do more and move into a new allyship role to make a bigger impact and difference at work?

And where are you? 

Being a woman doesn't automatically make you an ally, far from it. There are women who aren’t using their own positions and power to support their female colleagues when it comes to career progression - in fact, there are women who are actually hindering their female colleagues.

However and wherever you fit you can always play a part: by paying attention. Everyone can pay attention and notice what is happening. You never know you might just save someone's career or support them to achieve their full potential.

The big picture

This can’t all be put on individuals to do by themselves. Companies need to promote all of these types of allyship because everyone is different and at different stages of their journey.

What is important to note though is what Johnson and Smith (2018) found that the evidence shows that when men are engaged in gender inclusion initiatives, 96% of organisations see progress — compared to only 30% of organisations where men are not engaged.

This is not about fixing women. It’s about fixing the systems that create barriers for their progression.

Don’t fix women, fix systems

Here are some things companies can start to think about: 

• Recognise female talent early on

• Offer mentoring/sponsorship for ambitious women

• Promote women when they are not in the room

• Share networks with them / make introductions

• Ask for their opinions / ideas and then listen - to hear and not to fix!

• Get to know them as individuals and their own barriers

• Break the ‘norms’ e.g. ask men to take minutes

And who better to ask what more allies could be doing to support women than women themselves. Here’s the top 3 answers they gave:

• Listening to understand the challenges and barriers women face in the workplace and how this impacts their progression and development

• Offering mentorship for the women in your workplace to guide and support them into senior positions. Share networks and make those important introductions.

• Being inclusive especially when it comes to career progression opportunities, such as re-looking at job specs and criteria and more flexibility with part time and full-time roles especially in more senior and leadership positions.

 Join the conversation

Although there is still work to do to get greater gender equity, there is always a place where you can get involved at a level that suits you. 

Male allyship is all about standing by each other to make sure that everyone thrives.

If you know that your workplace would benefit from extra support for male allies to be educated to grow and support women's career progression even further, then get in touch about the Stand By Me Workshops.

** Gemma is a self-promotion expert and specialises in working with organisations to identify, develop and retain their female talent and encourage senior level progression to close the gender gap. This is through coaching, consultation, training sessions and workshops. She understands the importance of visibility when it comes to women’s career progression and helps ambitious women find their confidence to own and showcase their expertise.  Host of the ‘No More Hiding: Self Promotion at Work’ podcast - click here to listen.

Message her directly to find out more or book a call here. Download your copy of her white paper ‘Visibility At Work: The Importance of Self Promotion for Women's Career Progression here’. **

NB - When we refer to the terms men/women we are including all non-binary, trans and any marginalised genders

Still hiding: Female introverts avoiding self promotion

There's still a long way to go for women and self promotion

It seems the more I talk about this subject the more people resonate with it. Women are telling me that self promotion is the biggest thing that is holding them back.

And when I talk about self promotion I am not only referring to sales. I am talking about selling yourself. Speaking up and telling others how great you are. Asking for more. Sharing your ideas and opinions with confidence. Using your voice. Being heard.

It would seem that even when women are confident and successful at what they do, there is still an aspect of holding back from sharing that. They just get on with the day job, and hope that those they have impacted and worked with will tell others. And this is a great way of marketing, but it’s not the only way.

I sell confidence.

It is my thing and I love to help women feel more confident and believe in themselves. I not only have to show what I’ve got, and how I do that, but I also have to be confident too. Lead by example. But that doesn’t mean I can’t talk about the times when I am not. I am authentic and what you see is most definitely what you get.

I am not someone that becomes a different person when I walk on stage or has a new persona when I do a facebook live. I am actually quite proud of the fact that when I meet people in ‘real life’ they actually say ‘wow you are just the same’. And that’s because integrity is so important to me. Being who you say you are. Doing what you say you do. I can’t be anyone but me and I think this is the starting place for all women when it comes to self promotion.

You are selling you.

And that is the tough bit for a lot of people, especially introverts who I specialise in working with as they often want to avoid the spotlight or putting themselves in the middle of a massive noisy networking event full of small talk and people they would run a mile from, never mind work with.

A recent study by Lindeman, Durik & Dooley (2019) confirmed what we all think and that’s women worry too much about what others think of them. They go into more detail around stereotypes and the impact of what women want to do, in comparison of what they ‘should’ do, resulting in cognitive dissonance so they don’t promote themselves at all, but it comes down to that dualism - it is almost like we want to stand out, whilst wanting to fit in.

So where does that leave women who need to promote themselves?

The obvious answer is to forget what people think about you - but it isn’t as easy as that as this forms part of the belief system you hold about yourself created over your entire lifetime. So what is needed is to look at that cognitive dissonance between wanting to stand out and also belong, unpick those beliefs and start to form new ones in order to actively enjoy promoting yourself with the knowledge that it can only help others when you do. That it’s not all about you.

Then we have other obstacles that creep in like imposter syndrome and self doubts which can be tackled in the same way. In other words; self awareness is key to growth. Learn three proven strategies to be more confident with self promotion which I know has already helped so many women get started and feel good about it.

Promotion is serious business

If no one knows what you do then no one will buy - it is that simple. But you don’t have to do what everyone is doing and I think that in itself often puts women off too. Yet we are led to believe the opposite to be true; and whilst watching others we think we have to be like them to be heard or stand out. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Isn’t it time we started testing our own theories, experimenting and seeing what works for us? But to do that you have to start talking about YOU.

International Women’s Day

We are celebrating International Women’s day and celebrating ALL women around the world, there are still areas that need to be addressed. Not only equality in general, the gender pay gap, sexual exploitation, but also how we view ourselves. Where do we as individual women fit into this big picture on a day to day basis.

I know so may women who don’t know how amazing they are. They just don’t see what I see. And that’s why I love to be able to open their eyes and unlock all their power and potential. Women need to see the positives in promoting themselves in an authentic way that feels good to them. It doesn’t have to be the way ‘promotion’ has always been or always been seen - but can be fun and meaningful for everyone.

The more women can look inside themselves and make those changes they need to make to step up and speak out - then the more other women will be inspired to do the same.

This is the most important step as a female leader in your industry; to stand out amongst the noise at a time when the internet seems to be exploding with everyone doing the same thing.

You are not the same - you are unique - now go show them that.

** Gemma Stow works with female leaders who are introverts and are ready to take themselves and their business to the next level.  To find what is getting in the way of putting themselves forward, self promotion and creates a space for them to explore who they really are and who they want to become.  As well as  private coaching using high level techniques including CBT, NLP and MI , she runs Introverts Talk Biz events where women come together to share ideas, struggles and make plans. More info on the next one HERE. Or book in a chat with Gemma if you are looking to increase your confidence so that you can do the things you keep telling yourself you can’t do **

You don't need to be extroverted to be successful or happier

Articles and opinions telling me how I should be more extroverted to be successful in business frustrate me.

There are so many and even the ones that are supposed to be championing us introverts are still using the same old descriptors, shy, quiet, anti social……for the love of god please hear me when I say - Introverts are phenomenal, can be loud, ambitious, strong and love meeting people. Ok so we might have to hibernate for a day or two after doing all that but that doesn’t mean we don’t want to! I am not quiet but I LOVE quiet.

Introverts are amazing business owners and amazing people!

Research seems to be finally figuring it out that we don’t have to be more extroverted to be happier - come on, you really think that’s news to us? Why would we to change who we are. Of course we want to learn new ways of doing things, but that doesn’t mean we want to be more extroverted. We like being who we are. I love that I can spend time alone and come up wth ideas and the answers to things I have been overthinking for days. I love that feeling after I have actually been to a networking event when I get home and kick off my shoes, put my pjs on and feel proud to have met some new interesting people and told them about what I am up to. I love challenging myself to do the things I think I can’t only to realise I can actually do them and if I can do this then nothing is out of my reach.

Please don’t let your introversion stop you doing anything if you want it that much. If you don’t and you are happy to chill out at home and stay in your comfort zone then that’s fine too. It’s all about what YOU want that matters and that might mean stepping up and out of that comfort zone!

Asking or expecting somebody to change what is fundamental about them like their personality, is never going to make anyone happier.

Now I am the biggest believe in change. I was a Probation officer for years and also worked with some very vulnerable and challenging young people so I know that believing in change is part of who I am. It is possible for everyone. But this is about change that is welcomed or craved. Saying things like ‘introverts will be more happier if they are more extroverted’ is like the craziest thing I have heard. I am happiest to be me. Yes I am happy to push and challenge myself because that’s part of my personality too! It has nothing to do with me being an introvert. Introversion is about energy and I get my energy from being alone it’s as simple as that.

There is a massive difference between changing WHO you are and challenging yourself to do things you THINK you can't. The things you actually WANT to do.

Introverts are great leaders.

Now someone recently said to me “No we are looking for strong dynamic and entrepreneurial types - not introverts!”. Oh really. Well check out some of the great leaders in the world to realise that this belief is just nonsense and so outdated. I consider myself to be all of these things and I bet you do too.

Working for yourself, building your own business and being ambitious will mean (regardless of personality) that you will have to push yourself to do things you haven't done before. If it were easy everyone would be doing it. But not everyone will or can be a leader and that is something you have to decide for yourself - are you ready to lead or follow?

It's not easy but it can be so worthwhile and not just have a massive impact on your business, but also massively boost your own confidence too. For instance I have supported women to step up and tell more people about how great they are at what they do and what they stand for, despite them feeling 'cringey', because we worked together to find a way that felt GOOD to them. You don’t have to do it the way ‘extroverts’ have done business over the years.

You have the chance to carve out your own path. Do that.

**Gemma Stow works with female leaders who are introverts and are ready to take themselves and their business to the next level.  To find what is getting in the way of putting themselves forward and creates a space for them to explore who they really are and who they want to become.  As well as high level private coaching, she runs Introverts Talk Biz events where women come together to share ideas, struggles and make plans. More info on the next one HERE. Or book in a chat with Gemma if you are looking to increase your confidence so that you can do the things you keep telling yourself you can’t do **